please don't

do this.

"I said it before and I’ll say it again - fence off Utah, put all the fundies in there, and let them stone all the sinners they want. "

I understand the desire but certainly the fundies would be happier in Alabama.

Line of the week

John Cole nails it again.

The way these guys on the right manage to gin up controversies over NOTHING and then have it widely repeated and circulated is simply amazing. They are so good at the bullshit, that to read them, they honestly sound distressed. These people need about 12 years in the wilderness, getting it right and proper from an energetic Democratic congress and Democratic President. These hacks, these flacks, these out rage pimps, these phonies and these bullshit artists that took over the Republican party need a jolly good political rogering for about a decade.

Ewww... You got your Warrior Love all over my country

Glenn Greenwald responds to this cry for help from NRO Warrior Mark Steyn.

"He may have a point: It's psychologically exhausting being on permanent Orange Alert, especially as the reason for it recedes further and further in the rear-view mirror. A lot of Americans are "over" 9/11, and, while the event had a lingering emotional power, the strategic challenge it exposed has not been accepted by much of the electorate."

(Orange Alert, I forgot that Bush, the chosen defender of ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT needs color codes to remember we are in danger. I was just thinking that we don't really hear about this color coded fear mongering machine that will save us from the IslamofascistsDemocrats.)
Greenwald nails the warriors.

"The truth is exactly the opposite. There is nothing more psychologically invigorating than the belief that you are staring down the Greatest and Most Evil Enemy Ever in History, courageously waging glorious war for all that is Good and Just in the world. Nothing produces more pulsating feelings of excitement and nobility like convincing yourself that you are a Warrior defending Western Civilization from the greatest threat it has ever faced, following in -- even surpassing -- the mighty footsteps of the Greatest Generation and the Warrior-Crusaders who came before them."

Greenwald recommends Mark Fiore's cartoon version of the FISA debate, which precipitated the exchange between Greenwald and the NRO Warrior crew. Greenwald spanks the "faux warriors" throughout his post read the whole thing. The point cannot be made enough that a lot of these armchair warriors could be serving in Iraq but they do not, their children could be fighting this war of civilizations, and they are not. They are phonies, liars, and bedwetting whiners who want only one thing. Power.

In my post last week I quoted Matt Yglesias, but I think it bears repeating.

"It's almost as if the Republican Party exists to serve the interests of large business enterprises and very wealthy individuals, and tends to use national security and cultural anxieties as a kind of political theater aimed at securing votes so that they can better pursue their real agenda of enriching the wealthy and powerful."

Remember this! The Republic Party wants only one thing, to enrich themselves and their friends. Security, abortion, immigration are issues only in so far as they scare white folk into voting for them and keep feeding their corporate masters.

Case in point. Captain Ed tells the funduhmentalists to shut the fuck up. This dichotomy is what is essentially behind the "Is McCain a Conservative?" debate that is going on in the wingnutsphere and talk radio. The Fundies and "The brown people are coming!!! Oh Noes!" folks can't believe the party that has been using them to get elected for forty years would screw them by nominating someone who doesn't really like them. Newsflash dumb asses none of the Republicans like you, they need you but don't like you.

You have to admire a Party that can unite jesus freaks, the bomb the brown people until they love us warriors, and the sensible businessmen who just don't want to make money and not get involved in IDEOLOGY. The fact that the Republic Party respect only one segment of this coalition, guess which one, is lost on the creationists and the faith based morons who continue to vote for a party that holds them in at least as much disdain as progressives.

Update: Malkin proves my point. The problem the wingnuts have is that simply don't understand that, like McCain, most USAmericans find their beliefs silly. Their fear boring and their wack view of history to be incompatible with reality. If you believe the world is six thousand years, that babies are alive as soon as you have a carnal thought, that locking up groups of people who are no threat to you is awesome, that crazy islamofascist, brown people,Democrat, fifth columnists are here to eat your unborn babies and sodomize jesus, people might not take you very seriously. Just sayin'.

Jesus hates queers, just ask the Bible.

Here is a trailer for the movie For the Bible Tells Me So.



If you are in SLC, it is at the Tower Theater. It looks like good movie, check out a review here. Unfortunately tonight is the last night is playing in SLC. So check it out if you can.

10 Lessons from the Road

I have returned to the land of salvation and sin. Road trips are grueling and this one was no exception. The overall effect is one of constant movement that still hasn't stopped. Here's the lowdown, last Thursday at 10:30 am we left the valley. Saturday at approximately 4:30 pm local time we arrived in Bradenton, Florida. Sunday was football day, Monday at 9:30 I was on a plane for JFK. After a brief layover I was headed back to SLC. By 4:30 I was back home and headed to the 7eo. So that is how far I have gone in under five days. What have you slackers been doing?

Trans-continental road trips can be instructive so I thought I would explicate some of the lessons I learned, or in some cases relearned.

LESSON #1: The first day always sucks. It is simply impossible to get your mind right before you are on the road. I suggest that in order to alleviate some of the difficulties you leave a day early and use it as a kind of warm up day. Obviously I will never do this because it would require planning that is beyond my capacity. The first day of this trip is indicative of the problems that can occur. First of all we were towing a U haul trailer with BBA's Hyundai Elantra. This made trekking over the Rockies a real joy. The normal 5 to 6 hour drive from SLC to Cheyenne took eight hours. We decided to find somewhere to sit down and eat, we looked for an Applebees because we had seen the sign upon exiting the freeway. We drove around for almost an hour before we stopped to ask someone where it was. If you don't know Cheyenne is small and in an hour we covered almost all of it except where the Applebees was located. Upon arriving at said Applebees, we decided to go to the Chilis across the street. We sat at the bar ordered a drink and our food. There was a nice woman who thoroughly enjoyed the fact that we had been lost in Cheyenne. We chatted with her for a few minutes and then Boom...The power on the whole block went off. They promptly told us to leave and we were still without sustenance. When the power went off I, in classic Chancelot mode, said, "Fuck it! I'm going to smoke and wait for Armageddon." After I leave the lady who had been laughing at us says to BBA, "Is he always like this?" To which he responded, "Oh this is nothing, you should see him in everyday life." or words to that effect. Which is funny because I was at that moment on the phone with my previous road trip partner, KJ, who was telling me, "You know sometimes you get grumpy when you travel." or words to that effect. This caused me to have an existential crisis, as I have said before introspection is not really my thing. This is all leading to...


LESSON #2: I do not deal well adversity. The above anecdote displays this trait quite accurately. While I do not generally completely fall apart I tend to adopt a "woe is me!" attitude which is rarely productive and in the worst case sends me into turtle mode. Mostly, this does not cause me many problems, but looking at my life I can see times where adversity has kicked my ass and my reaction has been inadequate or down right harmful. Anyway enough about me.

Lesson #3: Nebraska is way better at night. Nuff said.

Lesson #4: I am really good at driving across the country. I did some calculations and in the last 11 years I have driven from Salt Lake to the east coast or from the east coast to SLC 10 times. Five times heading east and five west. I have never received a speeding ticket or had an accident. Admittedly on this last trip I was encumbered by a trailer and couldn't speed if I had wanted to, but still that is pretty good, I think.

Lesson #5: Utah is not the only place you can see Bush/Cheney bumper stickers. I love the South, really I do.

Lesson #6: Road trips are better if you are with someone with whom you can have sex. I'm just sayin.

Lesson #7: KFC in KC delivers. Why can't this happen everywhere?

Lesson #8: You always get lost in the ghetto at least once. This time it was in St. Louis, where you can't make a left turn and we ended up in south STL looking for a gas station. The first place we stopped the local squiggey guy thought he knew BBA and said "Hey, Nathan..." before he realized it wasn't Nathan. I thought it was funny, BBA not so much. The gas pump we were trying to use was of course broken so we headed to East St. Louis and pulled over at a gas station next to Larry Flynt's Hustler Club on King's Highway. A really nice part of town.

Lesson #9: The south is sexually repressed. The adult supercenters that litter the highways really speak to the level of repressed sexuality in the Bible belt. Do these idiot Bible thumpers think that the .001% of the population that are atheists in the south support all these stores?

Lesson #10: Flying is not so bad. My flight home was quite enjoyable. I watched the West Wing for most of the way, thank you Jet Blue.

That's all.

Stoopid Republicans(mandatory Wednesday blogging)

I know everyone is probably wondering, "Chancelot, Why no NFL blogging?" (Not wondering? I am going to tell you anyway.) Two reasons: 1) I read too many football blogs so it seems as if I have nothing original to say. b) The above mentioned blog reading makes feel as if I am not as funny/insightful/good as the blogs in my blog roll who do the NFL.

For instance, HCIC on Belicheat/Spygate. KSK on the same topic.(Warning extremely funny.)

Too lazy to link to more posts, use the blog roll bitches.

But as you can see from this posts title that, brothers and sisters, is not why we are gathered here today. No we have come together to view in all its naked aggression and ugliness, the stupidity of the GOP, and I'm not even going to talk about the endless series of wars that Shrub is trying to get us involved in, Iran your next motherfuckers.

Here is a piece from earlier in the summer that I missed, apparently abortion is not only bad because of the baby killing but it also causes... wait for it... illegal immigration. Yes, so says Tom Delay.

"I contend [abortion] affects you in immigration," DeLay told the Washington-area gathering. "If we had those 40 million children that were killed over the last 30 years, we wouldn't need the illegal immigrants to fill the jobs that they are doing today. Think about it."

Yes, women, your ability to make choices in your life instead of being the mindless baby machines that Jesus intended you to be causes brown people to stream across the border. Wow, remember this was in front of the college republicans. Can't Delay be indited(again) for poisoning the youth or something. Thats what they got Socrates on right?

Also, remember Alan Greenspan, you know the Fed chair who endorsed Shrub's tax cuts for the rich. Well, apparently he is having second thoughts. Now, I'm no economist but I can't believe that cutting taxes for rich people, while continueing to subsidize their corporations raping and pillaging our country as well as Iraq(see: Enron, Halliburton, Blackwater USA.) had negative consequences. Really? This wasn't a good thing? Really? Thank you Mr. Ex-Fed Chairman, I would have never thought of that.... Except, wait a minute, I did think it was a bad idea. So did 460 economists, including 10 Nobel prize winners in economics. But they can't possibly know more than a C student who believes baby Jesus said "Let there be tax cuts." Ahh, certainty the hobgoblin of great minds...or something.

Here are some quick hits from the candidates for presidential candidates from the Stupid Old Party.

Romney: "Some people have said we ought to close Guantanamo. My view is we ought to double Guantanamo." How the fuck do we do that, oh I know lets invade Cuba.

Giuliani: "Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do." Orwell spoken here.

McCain: "F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room." Grumpy little grandpa isn't he?

Romney: "My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president." Thank you, Tag. You really are working for the country. Gotta love those Mormon family values.

Huckabee: "If a person dresses provocatively, they're calling attention -- maybe not the most desirable kind -- to private parts of their body." Oh, the 1950's were such a great time.

Note that none of these are malapropisms or solecisms. These are(theoretically) thought out statements made knowingly to the press. These people are unbelievable. Of course we already know who is going to get the Republican nomination. Ladies and gentlemen the Republican nominee for 2008!

Who's to blame

Obviously as every lonely straight person knows...



Nice.

h/t Andrew Sullivan

Neocons are nuttier than fruitcakes...and these people are in charge

Bitch Phd. points to this article about a cruise aboard The U.S.S. Classwar.

A red-faced man who looks like an egg with a moustache glued on grumbles, " If the Germans think they can take responsibility for the world, I don't care about German courts. Bomb them." I begin to witter on about the Pinochet precedent, and Kate snaps, "Treating Don Rumsfeld like Pinochet is disgusting." Egg Man pounds his fist on the table: " Treating Pinochet like that is disgusting. Pinochet is a hero. He saved Chile."

"Exactly," adds Jim. "And he privatised social security."

Levis and porn

I have been saying this for years. The way we will defeat fundamentalism, at home and abroad, is by using human nature against the puritanical retrogrades who inhabit the fundamentalist sector. Levis and rock and roll had as much to do with the fall of the Soviet Union as nukes and stealth bombers. The same is true in the current conflict with fundamentalist Islam. Porn and hip-hop will bring down our enemies faster than any military action. In the end they will be forced to quote Homicide's Meldrake Lewis, "... human desire is kicking us in the ass."

Progress cannot be stopped, there is no return to the good old days. In the end the advance of Western technology and culture will steamroll all opposition.

Funduhmentalism and you. Or how I learned to love the stone age

Iranian fashion police go ballistic. This really is a peace loving, freedom engendering religion, isn't it?

Meanwhile, here is the intellectual equivalent of a beatdown from an American supporter of Sam Brownback. (It seems like it is a parody, but frankly when it comes to religious people I have a hard time telling the difference.)

The point, as always, is that religion and religious people simply cannot be reasoned with or expected to act in a civilized/enlightened manner.