not so deep thought

Mt friend Zip says that there are five days a year that are amatuer drinking nights. New Years Eve, St. Patricks Day, Cinco De Mayo, Halloween and Arbor Day.  Arbor Day? Don't ask

Chaos, drama and death

I caused plenty of chaos at the 7eo this weekend. Well, I didn't cause it all, but aided and abetted perhaps.

It started out innocently enough. I met HAHA to watch the Mets and Red Sox games and Thumbs and Hate were there before heading to see the Bees game. Thumbs invited us to go and I was sure that'll be cool. And it was. (Mets lost, Sox lost, Bees won, if you're keeping score.)

After the game we return to the 7eo and consume refreshing beverages. Eventually Cheesesteak and Irish show up as well as Notrammer and HC. A good time was had by all. Eventually Thumbs and Hate leave as does HAHA.

Just before i am about to leave. HAHA calls and apparently Hate looked at Thumbs phone and seen that HAHA had texted and lost her mind. As HAHA is telling me this my phone rings and its Thumbs, except it is really Hate telling me to keep my slut friend away from Thumbs. To which, I respond,"Its not like that, and even if it was you are mad at the wrong person." Click.

So that was fun.

Because I am a rtard, I tell HC the her roomate Rammer would kick her out if Notrammer didn't live there. Excellent plan Chancelot.

At anyrate, I have no idea what the longterm fall out will be but the drama is getting ridiculous.

In news that you have already heard about:

WAR! Russia vs. Georgia

Bernie Mac Dead.

Isaac Hayes.


Update: Also going to Bees game without inviting The Subtle Self made her mad. So I'm killin it right now.

Best. Christmas. Card. Ever.

A friend gave me a card that said:

Like, I wonder what Chancelot's inner dialogue will be today?
Who will he offend?
Will he pull a double shift?

Sweet.

And yes I pulled a double at the 7eo this Sunday. I'm too old for this shit.

Drink Liberally

I didn't know this but SLC has a Drinking Liberally group that meets right by my house. So instead of the 7eo I think I will check it out.(Well, maybe not instead, but before.) See if you have a Drinking Liberally in your area.



Update: Did not go, I am a failure.

I'm Bad and I'm Worldwide*

I recently added sitemeter to my page(I know, I'm a noob). Now I can stalk my readers, and thanks to google there are actually more than three people who read(ok, look at anyway) my blog and I have had some visits as far away as Argentina, Spain, Indonesia, and of course Canadia. How fucking awesome is that? I welcome immigrants legal and otherwise.

Day four of interminable closing of 7eo. Things are not good folks. I went to a local watering hole last night that I used to frequent but no longer do because it scores extremly high on the Douchey scale.(Someone should actually come up with a douchey scale to rate bars, it could be like Wikipedia or something...Hmmmm) Lets call this place uh... Port o' Call, since thats its name. It basically sucked, except some crazy motherfucker bought the bar drinks, no shit. Being the WPE I took full advantage and ordered a double. But still mostly it sucked, which it shouldn't seeing as how its motto is "Because everywhere else just sucks." Even there motto is douchey, and why does a bar need a motto?

As long as I'm rambling on I went to this bar with someone who is moving. You might remember that my bff, BBA just moved recently and I am having some abandonment issues. In order to avoid this problem I am issuing a decree.( I know this is like four posts but its my world and my pony so fuck off.)

NEW RULE-- Directed by WPE.
fade in:
Chancelot on a balcony.

"Henceforth and always no one shall be allowed to move ever! That is, move from Salt Lake, feel free to return to SLC if you formerly resided here, but remember this decree will be effective immediately upon your return. Also, this only applies to people I know. The rest a yous can do whatever the fuck you want. Thank you and good night. I almost forgot, everyone gets a pony. Peace out, bitches!"

Chancelot retires from balcony to the cheering slobbering sound of a crowd madly passionate about ponies.


*What song and band am I paraphrasing? Homework is awesome.

Rocket Science

Apparently, there is a movie about high school debaters, called Rocket Science. It looks pretty good. Would it be too pathetic for me to go see a 9:30 movie by myself? Especially since this movie has a kind of chick flick feel to it...? It is an R movie so that means my main reason for not going to movies(Kids, yes kids. Why are they allowed outside?) is not a factor. And it has been commended as "sweetly nostalgic" and a must see for former debaters, like me. You did not know that level of geekiness was possible in such a sophisticated gentleman as myself, but alas it is true I was a high school debater. It was cool and made the hell of high school almost bearable. At any rate this is all the excitement in my life, besides watching the Yankees-Sox and the implosion of the Mets.

Speaking of the Mets... Ok, You're right let's not speak of the Mets.( Single tear runs down cheek.)

Here is the low down on the last night's game and 7EO antics. BBA left out the hilarious Rickey Henderson commentating on everything discussion. It went something like this...

Rickey as Weatherman: "Rickey says that this storm is gonna fuck your shit up."
RBR as Court TV guy: "Rickey doesn't believe Mike Vick is guilty, Rickey thinks he is getting railroaded. Rickey says, 'FREE OOKIE.'" Raises fist in air.
RBR as RBR: "Rickey believes Rickey can still be effective, Rickey is no Coco Crisp, but Rickey can still get down, ya dig?"
Or something like that.

Funny random video.



That's it brothers and sisters, until the next episode...

Why the 7EO rules

So for the first time in I don't know how long I actually went out somewhere that wasn't the 7EO. Two somewheres, one on Friday and one on Saturday. The first was named after a line from a Mike Myers movie, and the other was the 3300 south bar that is not Liquid Joes. Good times, really. Friday was with thirty one and her crew. The party was some kind Birthday/Engagement thing where neither BBA nor I had to pay for drinks, which in addition to the fact that we had been playing Madden for shots, meant we were pretty tuned up. At some point I was summoned to 7EO by the always lovely and until recently semi-disappeared BG. Dancing and all night zaniness(another story for another day) ensued for myself and BBA. (BG, showing restraint that I clearly lack, left early.)

Saturday was my dude Manson's Bday party, which I had to leave early because I was still somewhat wrecked from Friday.

To make a short story long, I do not like places that are not the 7EO very much. I keep telling myself that it is not so much my own rainman like disdain for change or the whole everybody knows my name factor but that there are actual objective conditions that make me enjoy myself more at the 7EO. I'm sure these other establishments have there own appeal, which is why I have gone to such great lengths to avoid naming them. I'm not trying to hate, but, personally, I think the 7Eo is clearly superior in the below ways.

• Prettier, nicer waitresses
• Better bartenders
• Cheaper beer and they have PBR instead of the ubiquitous Bud Light
  
• A wider variety of single women
• Better patio and better DJs

Seems reasonable enough, right?

I'm back!

It has been a long week... Started on Sunday with a 16 hour shift at the 7EO. Btw, this should not be attempted by people who are not outta their minds. Here is a quick rundown of the rest of the week.

• The Wii is awesome. Can't wait till more games come out on it.
• The Sopranos ending was great, all you haters need to chill the fuck out and give love to the third best show ever on television.
• The Spurs are clearly one of the best teams ever. Is Lebron? Leave The Man Alone does not think so, and I tend to agree.
• The Mets were swept by the Dodgers and have lost five straight going into the subway series. Not a good look for them, at all. But there is hope if they MAN UP!
• In related news, the Yanks are only 71/2 games behind the the Bled Sox. Too bad they have to play the Mets this weekend. Hopefully the Sox will lose their series to the Giants. That would be sweet.
• My favorite Summer show, Hell's Kitchen is on again. The big question is, will Aaron stop crying long enough to make it through next week?
• Read The Exile by Allan Folsom this week. A good book.
  
• This week's moment of tard. Tony Snow says Bush is on the Frontlines....

Why do reporters let them get away with this kind of shit. These people are reprehensible.
So brothers and sisters, that is my week in a minute. Have a great weekend!

Hey Ma, I blog like a girl.(or How men get screwed on shoes)

Andrew Sullivan links to this site which purports to determine the gender of a writer by using an algorithm. The caveat being that it works best with over five hundred words. None of my posts are that long, so the results might be skewed. Overall, apparently, I blog like a girl. I guess I should be enraged at my algorithmic femininity but I'm not. I do find this is interesting and I wonder what else I do like a girl. No, not that(keep your mind out of the gutter)... Okay, I actually kind of hope I do that like a girl. So follow the link fellow bloggers and let me know if you blog like a girl in comments.

On a tangentially related note, Here is a (redacted and paraphrased)conversation from the 7EO last night. (Jazz won, by the way. Awesome.)

31: My clothes are being held hostage by the dry cleaners.
Me: Your dry cleaner won't give you your clothes?
31: Yeah, It sucks, the worst part is women get charged more than men.
Me: (cluelessly) They do?
31: Yeah, a white man's dress shirt cost less than a woman's dress shirt...
31's friend McNasty:(interrupting) Yeah, but men get screwed on shoes...
BBA: Yeah!
Me: (cluelessly, again) Yeah, we get screwed on shoes.
BBA: We've gotta drop $100 to $150 every time we buy shoes so you can take your two dollars at the dry cleaner...
Everybody laughs

This was our contribution to on going battle of the sexes that dominates our post-modern, 21st century, consumer oriented, existence. I found this entire exchange to be quite funny and enlightening because, despite the fact that I am essentially a materialist, I had never realized the sexist nature of capitalist valuing of goods. What other items are differently priced for each gender. Have no fear, come the revolution we will all wear over sized tees, Mao jackets and flip flops. Take that! Stupid Capitalism.

Did I mention the Jazz won. They did so with some 90's school Pat Riley type defense and allowed only 4 Rockets to score. Thats a playoff record and hasn't happened in the regular season since the the advent of the shot clock.(I have always wanted to say that. Its one of those phrases that gives a quasi-inttellectual air to the essentially mindless activity of reporting on sports.) So if you want to see teams shoot less than 40% and badly missed open jumpers this series is for you. I actually don't have a problem with this type of game, but I tend to be defense oriented, offense is for girls.(Ha, Algorithm, I own you. I am a Man.) The Jazzmen need to start hitting some shots or they are in trouble. I think the offense will come around. Prediction: This series goes all seven games and comes down to some ridiculous play that will be remembered, for better or worse, by The Jazz Nation forever. Write it down!

In case you hadn't figured it out, this is my attempt to write a five hundred word, sufficiently testosterone-filled, post(there is no word counter on blogspot, damn them) and I am not sure if I have five hundred words to say on one subject. This is probably due to my essentially laconic nature...laughter.....laughter subsides... Anyway, as Soul Asylum said, I did my best.

Update: Even this post is feminine.

Update II: ESPN's so called experts have the Jazz going down in 5 or 6 games to the Rockets. Sheridan even says "The Rockets are the best defensive team in the postseason." Really? Really? The Rockets scored 67 points last night. The Jazz held the Rocket bench scoreless. Oh this was just an "aberration." I'll give you an aberration, jerk off. When the Jazz are heading to Dallas, y'all can apologize.

Otterbutt this one is for you!

Update: As long as were talking about xsils, Val wants me to give her credit for coining the 7th east office moniker. Which I have done here but will reiterate the point. Thanks Val.

Like I needed another reason to go...

If you didn't know, one of the reasons I like the 7EO is because of the NTN trivia game.(And the $1 beers...it is a dead heat.) Well suddenly people have decided to play the trivia game for money. Lest anyone question my standing as King Of the Geeks, I rarely lose at this game. So, The last couple times I have been there my tab has been paid by the generous folks who challenge me at trivia. Why would anyone want to play me for money after I have beaten them five times in a row for free?(Bubble is convinced she can beat me if she was sober and challenges me continually... Keep dreaming Bubble.) This development is going to eventually lead to me being destroyed in some galactic cataclysm of bad karma, but at least my tab will be paid. Not sure why anyone besides me cares about any of this but its a slow day, so there it is...

Something in the air...Part 2

Brothers and Sisters(or xsils who are probably the only people who read this) I'm tellin ya. Springtime and the babies are goin crazy over Chancelot...WTF!?! Even BBA is shocked. I'm laughing my ass off. Like Jimi said..

My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war and
Ribbons of euphoria
Orange is young, full of daring,
But very unsteady for the first go round
My yellow in this case is not so mellow
In fact Im trying to say its frigthened like me
And all these emotions of mine keep holding me from, eh,
Giving my life to a rainbow like you
But, Im eh , yeah, Im bold as love
Yeah, yeah
Well Im bold, bold as love (hear me talking, girl)
Im bold as love
Just ask the axis (he knows everything)
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Heading to the Bees opener tonight. Thirsty thursday, they raised the ticket price and the beer price... Bastards. Anyway I think I should change the name of this blog to Memo from the Seventh East Office.