Where things will go your way...or they won't

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Lost Weekend

My liver has launched a protest against the holidays. Let us review.

  • Friday- Solstice party.
  • Saturday- Cowboys game, I was good and did not go out to the after game party, but probably couldn't have if I wanted to anyway.
  • Sunday-1100 am to 1230 am at 7eo. This was probably a mistake in retrospect, but well worth it. As BBA said, "Football Sundays, Better than sex."
  • Monday and Tuesday-Xmas eve and Xmas. Xhausting.
All this is leading to the above picture. I love lolcats.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Best. Christmas. Card. Ever.

A friend gave me a card that said:

Like, I wonder what Chancelot's inner dialogue will be today?
Who will he offend?
Will he pull a double shift?


And yes I pulled a double at the 7eo this Sunday. I'm too old for this shit.

Baby Jesus and Football

KSK nails it. Again. Teh funny is KSK. Merry Holidays!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Solstice Party review

I went to the xsil's Solstice party.(We decided this was my 12th solstice party, I am fucking old.) It was fun, cold, but fun. Thirty-one hosted the usual gala event. Otterbutt and fam were in the house. Ashton was definitely in the house. I'm afraid I was not much of guest because of this. I was either just chillin and not really talking to anyone, or I was rambling about something only I found vaguely interesting, I have to work on that. I couldn't get past the feeling that I was at a class reunion.

Really it was more like a family reunion, a bunch of people who I have been friends with or friendly with at one point, but now see rarely(read at the solstice party). This inevitably leads to "What are you up to?" questions* which I have several pat answers none of which are serious.

Them: "So what are doing, now?"
Me: "Same ol' same ol', just smokin crack, whorin myself, and corrupting the youth of America."

Like that, you see. This is meant as a way to change the course of discussion but was not as successful as I might have hoped. I figured it was better than the truth. Drinking, hanging out with waitresses and generally becoming even more of a misanthrope that I am naturally. The fact is almost everyone there was a grown up which always has a disquieting effect on me.

The party was accented by some strangeness.
  • The woman in the Santa outfit crouching down and acting like a rabbit. At least that is what I think she was doing, it was all very strange and I was very inebriated.
  • Thirtyone drinks scotch.
  • Some dude passed out and fell off the six inch high deck. I didn't see this, which is bummer given my well known love of falling down humor.
  • There were no less than 5 blogger folks there but no one had a camera? Note to self: remember the camera next year.
Overall, a good time was had by all. So to all my old friends, good to see you. Until next year. Happy Kwanzaa from here in Blogfrica.

*I never ask people this question, unless I know the answer is going to be some variation of nothing. I'm not sure why this is, other than I find that most people are more than willing to talk about themselves without prompting. I also find myself to be a relatively boring topic of conversation.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Rove returns to the shadows

I have to start reading the Onion more often.

"I've been away from the shadows too long, and it's put a strain on my relationship with those black forces I hold dear," an emotional but upbeat Rove said. "There are many personal projects I'd like to pursue all alone in an opaque void, where God Himself dares not peer, so this just seemed like the perfect opportunity to slink off into murky blackness."

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I'm a fascist, He's a fascist. Wouldn't you like to be a fascist too?

Wingnut extraordinare Jonah Goldberg is taking a beating(rightfully so) for his new book Liberal Fascism. Crooked Timber giggles and sneers. Sadly No! is confused.
Remember Ezra and Matt having fun with mister "It is a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care." They are at it again here and here.

Now I throw the F-word around as much as anyone, but Goldberg seems to be arguing that liberalism in America was part of the same movement that created Mussolini, Franco, and Hitler(crowd hisses) if Yglesias is correct in his interpretation.

He's saying that "the New York Times, the Democratic Party, the Ivy League professoriate, and the liberals of Hollywood" just are the "modern heirs" to the American tradition of fascism "an international movement that appeared in different forms in different countries." Contemporary American liberalism, in short, doesn't resemble Nazism. Rather, according to Goldberg it's a variety of fascism, albeit a "friendly" one.

The ludicrousity of this position is difficult to quantify. As a commenter on Lawyers, Guns, and Money put it.
I wonder if he ever stopped to think why no one has ever made this argument in such detail or with such care? Is it because usually arguments that dumb are made after many bong hits and are forgotten about after a bag of Cheetos and a nap?

It would seem much more reasonable that the totalitarian impulse exists on both sides of the ideological spectrum. You have liberal nanny state policies, smoking bans, transfat bans, etc. that want to protect me from myself. Conservative policies that want to protect me from everyone including myself especially teh gay, teh brown people, and teh evolution, even if they have to torture me to save me. I'm pretty sure that you can make arguments that all of these policies go beyond the mandate of the state. The impulse to increase the power of government is a human impulse that seems more tied to the holding of power than any particular ideology.

I haven't read the book so I won't get too snarky but Goldberg seems to have misunderstood fascism, and I imagine liberalism as well. Fascism as understood by its founder Mussolini sounds much more like the wingnut critique of America than the politics of FDR.

Mussolini says:

The foundation of Fascism is the conception of the State, its character, its duty, and its aim. Fascism conceives of the State as an absolute, in comparison with which all individuals or groups are relative, only to be conceived of in their relation to the State. The conception of the Liberal State is not that of a directing force, guiding the play and development, both material and spiritual, of a collective body, but merely a force limited to the function of recording results: on the other hand, the Fascist State is itself conscious and has itself a will and a personality -- thus it may be called the "ethic" State....

This is the man of the left according to Goldberg. Or this gem which single-handedly seems to destroy Goldberg's house of cards.

"Fascism, which was not afraid to call itself reactionary... does not hesitate to call itself illiberal and anti-liberal."

Wilhelm Reich:
"Reactionary concepts plus revolutionary emotion result in Fascist mentality."

If there is a better description of the the wingnut culture warriors than this I don't know what it is. Tradition and mindless acceptance of authority and received wisdom are the hallmarks of both fascism and modern American conservatives. The empty worship of a mythical past where everyone got ponies is the wasted dream of the intellectually and morally bankrupt. They make no arguments, they foment fear and divisiveness with dog whistle racism and jingoistic policies designed to distract people from the greatest threat to their freedom, their own government.

When I have read the book I will have a more in depth review.

Update: Apparently, I don't need to read the book. Jon Swift has it in lolcats form. He brings teh funny.

Chapter 1: Hegel

Friday, December 14, 2007

Drink Liberally

I didn't know this but SLC has a Drinking Liberally group that meets right by my house. So instead of the 7eo I think I will check it out.(Well, maybe not instead, but before.) See if you have a Drinking Liberally in your area.

Update: Did not go, I am a failure.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Rocket 88 Flares Out: Ike dead.

Ike Turner died yesterday. If you only know Ike from his abusive relationship with Tina. You are selling Ike short. The song Rocket 88 is widely considered the first rock n roll song. Here is a cool video of the song.

See ya Ike.

Update: NY Post classy as always. "Ike 'Beats' Tina to death" I don't care who you are thats funny or appalling.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Mets continue transfer to Nation's capital: Paul LoDuca edition

Now, LoDuca has signed with the Nats. The Mets Meltdown continues... :(

Update: BMF with more bad news.

Thomas Jefferson: Wrong for America

Actual charges made against Jefferson from 1800. h/t Ezra

Monday, December 10, 2007

The week in review: everything breaks edition

Here is a list of things that happened to or around me since last Monday.
  • A guy I work with was arrested for murder.(no link but it made the paper)
  • My phone committed suicide in the toilet.(I have replaced it and once again have a phone.)
  • My MP3 player also died too soon.
  • The dryer broke.
  • Ravens and Steelers lose to Pats.(I am now resigned to the Pats going 18-0 and playing the Cowboys in Phoenix. And the Boys end the perfect season.)
  • Cowboys clinch NFC east.
  • These folks started a new blog check it out.(They are Ezra's old weekend bloggers.)

I'm just sayin...

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Repeal Day

Its Repeal Day. Just what I needed, another drinking holiday in the middle of the week. I don't suppose I'll complain, though.

Power to the people!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Lastings we hardly knew ye.(or how I learned to love the worst trade of the year)

WTF? The Mets have traded Lasting Milledge. What are these guys going to do now? BMF is not pleased and at first glance I tend to agree. They had to get pitching for someone of 'Stings value. The Mets seem to be having a front office meltdown of epic proportions.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Old Man Favre Is gonna need some vicodin!

The Cowboys are going to crush the Packers. Write it down. Have a good night.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Nablopomo goes up in smoke

Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year, and I was distracted, so there has been no blogging. Also this game has taken over my life. Nothing of any interest ever happens to me, but other people they have stuff happen so go read their blogs, just kidding I will be back blogging normally(abnormally?)


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving (free association)

Go Cowboys. Turkey. PBR. stuffing vs. dressing--The Great Debate, I'm hungry. Thats All.

Update: Speaking of Wild Turkey, here is what sounds like a great dressing recipe.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Dark Side continues its dominance

The N.E. Patriots are 23 1/2 point favorites against Philly. This threatens my Patriots cover the spread for 16 games bet. But I think they'll win by at least 30.

I'm a Fuckin Genius...the intertubes say so!

cash advance

UPDATE: I just checked a very random sampling of blogs. Only 31 and KJ were also rated as genius (geniui?) I find this strange and slightly disturbing. Should I doubt this websites authenticity or just accept what is simply obvious. I choose to accept the wisdom of the 'tubes.

Get a Cash Advance

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

Go Cowboys! The Eagles were grounded the Giants fell and the Maryland Savages are next!

I know my blogs have all been videos and lack the usual level of insight and pithyness. Big things going on. Ya'll be the first to know.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Playmaker-Remember the Name

Let us all take a moment to remember the greatest Wide Receiver Ever!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Obama '08

Let the World respect America again.

Update: In case that didn't convince you. Here is Obama at The Jefferson/Jackson Dinner.

Good Stuff.

Monday, November 12, 2007

T.O. supermans Giants

This isn't from yesterday but after a touchdown Owens and Sam Hurd did the Soulja Boy and supermaned dat ho. As predicted by HCIC, this dance will surely sweep the NFL.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

I'm Bad and I'm Worldwide*

I recently added sitemeter to my page(I know, I'm a noob). Now I can stalk my readers, and thanks to google there are actually more than three people who read(ok, look at anyway) my blog and I have had some visits as far away as Argentina, Spain, Indonesia, and of course Canadia. How fucking awesome is that? I welcome immigrants legal and otherwise.

Day four of interminable closing of 7eo. Things are not good folks. I went to a local watering hole last night that I used to frequent but no longer do because it scores extremly high on the Douchey scale.(Someone should actually come up with a douchey scale to rate bars, it could be like Wikipedia or something...Hmmmm) Lets call this place uh... Port o' Call, since thats its name. It basically sucked, except some crazy motherfucker bought the bar drinks, no shit. Being the WPE I took full advantage and ordered a double. But still mostly it sucked, which it shouldn't seeing as how its motto is "Because everywhere else just sucks." Even there motto is douchey, and why does a bar need a motto?

As long as I'm rambling on I went to this bar with someone who is moving. You might remember that my bff, BBA just moved recently and I am having some abandonment issues. In order to avoid this problem I am issuing a decree.( I know this is like four posts but its my world and my pony so fuck off.)

NEW RULE-- Directed by WPE.
fade in:
Chancelot on a balcony.

"Henceforth and always no one shall be allowed to move ever! That is, move from Salt Lake, feel free to return to SLC if you formerly resided here, but remember this decree will be effective immediately upon your return. Also, this only applies to people I know. The rest a yous can do whatever the fuck you want. Thank you and good night. I almost forgot, everyone gets a pony. Peace out, bitches!"

Chancelot retires from balcony to the cheering slobbering sound of a crowd madly passionate about ponies.

*What song and band am I paraphrasing? Homework is awesome.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

LOLCATS: on Iraq

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Utah, not such a red state after all?

Bush approval ratings are finally below 50%. And to update my voucher post, Prop. 1 was destroyed in the voting booth.

This seems strange to me, in a state that has a U.N Free Zone, and overwhelmingly supports any law that bans same-sex marriage, somehow defeats a pet project of the right wing's continuing disenfranchisement of the poor campaigne.

Maybe it was because the the SLC mayoral race brought out Democrats and Republicans just couldn't get excited about anything not involving sex?

Oh noes, it was the stupid Utah voters who crazily question the powers of the free market to save us all.

Voucher supporter Overstock.com chief executive Patrick Byrne - who bankrolled the voucher effort - called the referendum a "statewide IQ test" that Utahns failed. "They don't care enough about their kids. They care an awful lot about this system, this bureaucracy, but they don't care enough about their kids to think outside the box," Byrne said.
I know that I spend most of my time masturbating to the wondrousness of bureaucracy, that is when I am not involved in cabalic Stalinist meetings planning the overthrow all that baby jesus loves. But wait... It might not be my fault this guy says...

Doug Holmes, a key voucher advocate and contributor, said, "We started hugely in the hole and it's always been the case. The unions have done this in four different states, where they take the strategy of confusion to the people."
Yes, I knew it was the unions, ever since we got that eight hour work day, confusion has been rampant. Seriously, how can I focus when I am grinding for the man only eight hours a day. Imagine if I had health care insurance, then I would be really confused. So confused, that I might think that I should unite with the freedom loving black people of South Carilina... Oh no that's the voucher wingnut again.

Byrne said the referendum defeat may have killed vouchers in Utah, but "There are other freedom oriented groups in other states - African-Americans in South Carolina are interested in it."

Is this guy fuckin serious? Don't shop at overstock.com. ever. please.

Haterade for the Day: $60 and a goodie bag

For most of this 2007 NFL season the heartless and hilarious folks at KSK have been offering a bounty on Tom Brady's knees. Here is the whole series. (scroll down) Now the bounty is fuckin serious. Imagine the glory and fame you can achieve... If you can just do this...

Just picture it: one minute, our friend is delighting at the sweet treats in the window of Jacques Torres Chocolate Haven. The next minute, BOOM! A fucking Lincoln Navigator pins him right against the glass, rupturing vital arteries and teaching him an important lesson in humility. Do you have the steely determination to carry this out? I don’t like what you’ve shown me so far.

And all this can be yours!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

My inner European is... Dutch?

Your Inner European is Dutch!

Open minded and tolerant.
You're up for just about anything.

I don't think I buy this... but whatever.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Guy Fawkes Day

Like Andrew Sullivan, I did not know this. Now I know why election day is in November.

7 things

Okay, the 7eo is closed for the next 15 days. I'm not sure how I will survive. First they closed the patio on Friday and now they closed entirely, WTF?

Otterbutt hit me with this 7 things meme. Apparently, I must know 7 facts about myself. So here goes.

  1. I did not vote until I was 32.
  2. I was baptized in the LDS Church. (In my defense I went to church three times as a child, NFL plays on Sunday, DUH!)
  3. I never wear a seat belt.
  4. I have all of John Mellencamps albums
  5. I am the worst person ever.
  6. I am known as Ronin(my NTN screen name) to some.
  7. Because Otterbutt all ready hit all the people I know or would feel comfortable hitting up with this meme. I don't have seven people to send this to. So if any of you are not among Otterbutt's victims read this, feel as tho you have been hit.

Update: Seriously unhappy with the closing of 7eo. As my friend Alice says, "What is up with the ludicrousity!"

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Once it was the 80s(and I WAS THERE)

The radio has been playing some oddly sentimental (read cheesy)songs for me the last couple of days. First I heard Your Love by The Outfield.


This song reminds me of ex-married girlfriend who was the first person to mention The Outfield to me in fifteen years.
BEST LINE: "Josie's on a vacation far away."
Immediately followed by the classic Rick Springfield joint Jessie's Girl.


This song came out when I was like seven or eight and I remember jammin out to it in like the third grade. This is not for story telling purposes, I used wait around to hear that song on the radio for hours. Embarrassing but true. More on this later...
BEST LINE:" wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot."
Then this morning I heard Crosby Stills and Nash's Southern Cross.


This song reminds me ... well of me. And the Galapagos Islands because that is the only place I have seen the Southern Cross. Also doesn't fit with the eighties theme but whatever.
BEST LINE:"We never failed to fail it was the easiest thing to do."

I have to say that I think that Jessie's Girl is probably the most embarrassing song that I LIKE. I mean I can't admit this to anyone. I my defense it does ask the immortal question, "Where can I find a woman like that?" What about you, fearless readers(all three of you), what is the most embarassing song you like? Go crazy in comments.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Day one: Ninjas on parade

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

This is pretty lame but the pressure of daily blogging is starting to get to me;)

30 Days of Blog

I guess November is National blog posting month or something... and at NaBloPoMo they say we should blog everyday of the month so I'm gonna join the forces of whatever and give it a shot. Anyway DrunkBrunch is going to be doing it which should be vastly entertaining.


So let it be written let it be done.

Those of you who pick nits will say "Chancelot you didn't blog yesterday, your dreamis dead." To which I respond, "Fuck you I'll go to December 1 to make up the difference."

I will try to achieve a lighter tone than this post. Probably excessive 7eo stories, and Cowboys stories because the NFL is heating up folks. Also this does not count as my post but is only serves to warn the unsuspecting of the upcoming.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Local Politics as Unusual Wednesday: Education

If you didn't know there is a school voucher program on the ballot this year in Utah. Here is pro-voucher crowds website.

Megan McArdle has stirred up quite a storm on this topic.Here, here, and here. Kevin Drum responds. Ezra Klein disagrees with McArdle, as does Matt Yglesias. None of these posts discuss vouchers vs. public schools except in the most general terms. What specific policies would actually help kids and why is left mostly unanswered.

As someone who actually went to public schools K-12(as well as having been married to a public school teacher, and having more than a few friends who are also teachers), I think I have a better handle on this than most private school educated pundits.(I know Yglesias and McArdle were educated in private schools, my apologies to Klein and Drum if my assumption, that you were as well, is wrong.) For different reasons, I think I probably have a better understanding than my teacher friends do, as well.

This understanding has to do with the the unstated assumptions of those involved in this debate. Both sides of this issue make an unquestioned assumption about the "good" of educating children. The benefit of having well educated children is questioned by neither side. What they should ask themselves is, what is the goal of the public school system? To produce adults with both problem solving skills and critical thinking skills that are necessary to be a good citizen, I think most people(esp. those above) would answer.

Where is the evidence for this? At what point in American history has education been anything but a way for the elite to continue their dominance. You could make the argument that post-WWII until 1973(the year I was born, of course) the education system provided more than adequate education for all economic classes. If they were white, at least. But almost everything got better for people during this time, so it was less a function of desire than economics.

I think that the public education system in this country works almost exactly as it is supposed to in a capitalist economy. It produces a consumer. That is, someone who can read price tags and name brands on the back of there clothes. This requires very little above a fourth grade education, which happens to be the par set by marketers, the entertainment industry and journalists for their audience. In short, the disagreements about how to fix the education system are meaningless because it is not broken, it achieves the exact results that are required in the United States.

The other assumption, made by pro-voucher people, is that private schools are mystically, magically, and marshmellowy better than public schools. It would not be because they have more money, fewer students, and better parent involvement, would it? No that couldn't be it. It is because the market makes everything better, just ask Halliburton or Blackwater USA. They had to pull themselves up by bootstraps without any government assistance. Right?

McArdle poignantly shows that her concern is for the children and only the children.

I don't. Care. About. The. Teachers.

I don't dislike them. Nor do I like them. I don't care whether they are, or are not, represented by a union. I think they should be paid more, not because they're lovely, special people, but because I hope that would let us attract and retain a higher caliber of teacher.

I care about educating the kids.

And as her posts make obvious, poor children in particular. I find this concern for the poor from upper middle class college educated folks(this includes all journos and pundits not just McArdle) touching. And by touching I mean like a hand job. Do any of these "experts" know any poor children or any poor people at all besides the folks who clean their buildings? I work with young adults who come from some of the most impoverished circumstances I have heard of and I would actually be considered just outside the impoverished myself given my income.

I went off on a little tangent there, my larger point is that one the main reasons that private schools seem to perform so much better than public schools is that there are very, very, few poor kids in private schools. I would even argue that if there were significant numbers of poor children in private schools the problems of public schools would be duplicated. This why no one seriously advocates the privatization of schools. The problems poor students have are not caused by teachers or schools and cannot be solved by teachers or schools. So in the end the voucher programs become a kind of educational white flight boondoggle that help the rich and about to be rich while as usual the poor get screwed.

That is all.

So long Castro and East Village. Hello Marmalade?

NYT notes that old gayborhoods in San Francisco and New York are becoming a thing of the past but are growing in smaller urban areas.

“Twenty years ago, if you were gay and lived in rural Kansas, you went to San Francisco or New York,” he said. “Now you can just go to Kansas City.”

I guess the same is true in Salt Lake. Last night, the soon to be gentrified Marmalade District, becoming a gayborhood was at issue in the mayoral debates. It seems premature to me. First they will have to actually make the area friendly to any non-criminal, because what is now being called Marmalade is actually not a real nice part of town. That said, go gayborhood!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

NBA Time

The Jazz-Warriors tonight. Lets go Jazz!!!
Here is Scoop Jackson's NBAiepedia so you can catch up with the League.

7EO halloween pictures

Alice in Wonderland but hotter.

Me and Alex from Where the Wild Things Are.

More pics later must actually work right now.

UPDATE: More pics

Fire Marshal Bill and Brokeback Bill.

White Trash man.

Really quite frightening actually.

UPDATE II: Apparently at some point I became incapable of taking more pictures but Brokeback guy used his iphone to take some embarrassing pictures of me. I will post those if I can get a hold of them.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Islamofascism Week an Ode

Kieran Healy at Crooked Timber celebrates Islamofascism week with a poem.

Thursday is Politics as Unusual Day!

As you can see, Thursdays are now Politics as Unusual Day. I will link to interesting political posts/articles/videos and occasionally add my own pinko commentary on issues that I find important and/or ignored.

Here are some quick links to issues of interest.

That is all.

Jesus hates queers, just ask the Bible.

Here is a trailer for the movie For the Bible Tells Me So.

If you are in SLC, it is at the Tower Theater. It looks like good movie, check out a review here. Unfortunately tonight is the last night is playing in SLC. So check it out if you can.

Heroin Kingpins for Giuliani

The "small man looking for a balcony." Is well liked by drug kingpins.

Go Rudy!!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Autumn attempts comeback!

Sunday was a beautiful fall day. As you can see from this picture at the 7eo. The Cowboys lost to the Belicheats but you can't have everything.

Update: Also it has been Monsoon-like weather ever since. There was an awesome thunder storm last night... No more weather posts I promise.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Green Mind

Dinosaur jr has a new album out and I think it is great. But of course I would. It has started me on a Djr renaissance. And I had forgotten how much of my life has been lived with and described by the lyrics and noise of J. Mascis. In particular the Green Mind album, and this verse from the song of the same name.

Oh it's nothing new I been bouncing off the wall I can't handle them for long They're cool, but I need you On a certain level I think they're great But on another I can't relate To anything they do On the outside Might be with them tonight Unless you decide to come in I'll check out you Hangin' heavy, such a routine I've just begun to forget why I seldom try To break out of their scene And now I gotta work on you So the frogs will hang They'll always be hangin' Now we're here, what do we do I've been sortin' through the pros And cons of your eyes, they're well told Can't you help move it along? I been pickin' through my thoughts It's a shame I just can't rot And I sure feel rotten long
Or by the last line of the song.

If I keep stewin' 'bout how I feel The plate will split, then I won't have to deal Sounds like a plan But it's kind of lame to let it slide Knowin' either way I haven't tried Can't figure out where it all stands In a green mind
So that pretty well describes my life up to this point(irony alert!!) and I am not really sure how I feel about that.

Dinosaur jr never made a major impact on the charts or radio but when I was a kid that was considered a virtue and not a curse. (This makes me sound so old, but wtf happened to the good old days when commercial acceptance = Suck) So I am glad they have a new album that while displaying some maturity still contains enough lyrical angst to accompany Mascis' incredible guitar work.

UPDATE: I remembered this verse from nothings goin on and it reminded me of my favorite person, who doesn't read this blog,(at least I don't think so) but nonetheless here it is...

Every angel's a suspect
Every creep's your friend
When I've gone away, get back again
I won't help you if you walk away
Nothing happening, nothin more to say

T.O. to media and world "Getcha Popcorn Ready!"

T.O. leaves a note for reporters. I have got to say I haven't been this excited by a non-playoff game involving the Cowboys since they played the Niners in '94 and I was at the game. Sunday 2:15 MDT. The game is on. You know the rest... How bout them Cowboys?!!?11!!??

Saturday, October 6, 2007

No Fall(Autumnlessness)

It looks like Baby Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whoever runs this shit, has decided that we don't need any slow descent into winter here in the land of the blessed souls. It went from being hot to cold overnight at the beginning of September and is now starting to snow with regularity in the mountains. It was like 79 degrees in Boston for the game last night and it is freezing here. How is that fair? Fuck Boston. I haven't got my winter clothes out yet. I blame the Mormons, it is conference weekend, which made me late for work this morning. Thanks Baby Jesus.

There is no poem for losing fall but here are two haikus mourning the loss of summer. So here is my own contribution to haikudom.


Mets miss playoffs, no
losses for the Cowboys yet
My life is a game

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

10 Lessons from the Road

I have returned to the land of salvation and sin. Road trips are grueling and this one was no exception. The overall effect is one of constant movement that still hasn't stopped. Here's the lowdown, last Thursday at 10:30 am we left the valley. Saturday at approximately 4:30 pm local time we arrived in Bradenton, Florida. Sunday was football day, Monday at 9:30 I was on a plane for JFK. After a brief layover I was headed back to SLC. By 4:30 I was back home and headed to the 7eo. So that is how far I have gone in under five days. What have you slackers been doing?

Trans-continental road trips can be instructive so I thought I would explicate some of the lessons I learned, or in some cases relearned.

LESSON #1: The first day always sucks. It is simply impossible to get your mind right before you are on the road. I suggest that in order to alleviate some of the difficulties you leave a day early and use it as a kind of warm up day. Obviously I will never do this because it would require planning that is beyond my capacity. The first day of this trip is indicative of the problems that can occur. First of all we were towing a U haul trailer with BBA's Hyundai Elantra. This made trekking over the Rockies a real joy. The normal 5 to 6 hour drive from SLC to Cheyenne took eight hours. We decided to find somewhere to sit down and eat, we looked for an Applebees because we had seen the sign upon exiting the freeway. We drove around for almost an hour before we stopped to ask someone where it was. If you don't know Cheyenne is small and in an hour we covered almost all of it except where the Applebees was located. Upon arriving at said Applebees, we decided to go to the Chilis across the street. We sat at the bar ordered a drink and our food. There was a nice woman who thoroughly enjoyed the fact that we had been lost in Cheyenne. We chatted with her for a few minutes and then Boom...The power on the whole block went off. They promptly told us to leave and we were still without sustenance. When the power went off I, in classic Chancelot mode, said, "Fuck it! I'm going to smoke and wait for Armageddon." After I leave the lady who had been laughing at us says to BBA, "Is he always like this?" To which he responded, "Oh this is nothing, you should see him in everyday life." or words to that effect. Which is funny because I was at that moment on the phone with my previous road trip partner, KJ, who was telling me, "You know sometimes you get grumpy when you travel." or words to that effect. This caused me to have an existential crisis, as I have said before introspection is not really my thing. This is all leading to...

LESSON #2: I do not deal well adversity. The above anecdote displays this trait quite accurately. While I do not generally completely fall apart I tend to adopt a "woe is me!" attitude which is rarely productive and in the worst case sends me into turtle mode. Mostly, this does not cause me many problems, but looking at my life I can see times where adversity has kicked my ass and my reaction has been inadequate or down right harmful. Anyway enough about me.

Lesson #3: Nebraska is way better at night. Nuff said.

Lesson #4: I am really good at driving across the country. I did some calculations and in the last 11 years I have driven from Salt Lake to the east coast or from the east coast to SLC 10 times. Five times heading east and five west. I have never received a speeding ticket or had an accident. Admittedly on this last trip I was encumbered by a trailer and couldn't speed if I had wanted to, but still that is pretty good, I think.

Lesson #5: Utah is not the only place you can see Bush/Cheney bumper stickers. I love the South, really I do.

Lesson #6: Road trips are better if you are with someone with whom you can have sex. I'm just sayin.

Lesson #7: KFC in KC delivers. Why can't this happen everywhere?

Lesson #8: You always get lost in the ghetto at least once. This time it was in St. Louis, where you can't make a left turn and we ended up in south STL looking for a gas station. The first place we stopped the local squiggey guy thought he knew BBA and said "Hey, Nathan..." before he realized it wasn't Nathan. I thought it was funny, BBA not so much. The gas pump we were trying to use was of course broken so we headed to East St. Louis and pulled over at a gas station next to Larry Flynt's Hustler Club on King's Highway. A really nice part of town.

Lesson #9: The south is sexually repressed. The adult supercenters that litter the highways really speak to the level of repressed sexuality in the Bible belt. Do these idiot Bible thumpers think that the .001% of the population that are atheists in the south support all these stores?

Lesson #10: Flying is not so bad. My flight home was quite enjoyable. I watched the West Wing for most of the way, thank you Jet Blue.

That's all.

Friday, September 28, 2007


The Mets have nearly played their way out of the playoffs. Losing a seven game lead in the last two weeks.

Despite this I am predicting the Mets win their remaining two games, and the Phillies lose their final two games.

Homer Warning: These may be the sad hopes of a completely exhausted man. I have been in a car for much of the previous forty hours.

Update: My laptop has MDT, it is actually later here in Georgia. Which means, not just for storytelling purposes, that morning is also earlier.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Road trip

BBA is out. Tomorrow we are heading to FLA. Really looking forward to driving thruogh Nebraska, really I am... I link to BBA's site even though he never blogs, hopefully he will keep us better informed of his antics when he is Florida.

I may or may not be blogging, while I am road tripping, we'll see???

Friday, September 21, 2007

Return of the No Fun League

T.O. gets fined for this? Goodell you are truly approaching David Stern-like assholeness... oh noes there it went!

The Pina Colada Song

The internet version, it really happened. The joys of marriage. Why do people barter sex(sometimes, I mean they are married) for endless misery and pain. Remember brothers and sisters, its a war. I'm just sayin'...Not that that I'm bitter;)

I just can't take it anymore (NFL picks)

Seriously, the Mets blow a three run twice in one game. If you didn't know, before this baseball season I have never been a passionate fan of the game. Don't get me wrong, I always cheered for the Mets but on a daily basis I did not follow the game until the playoffs. This year I have watched a majority of the Mets games and a lot of Yankees games. Now I know why I haven't invested my self in Baseball before. IT HURTS. It sucks when you watch a team implode right in front of your eyes. This team is clearly the best team in the NL but they can't even close out their division. So now I'm just waiting for the inevitable collapse in the playoffs. As if being a Jazz fan wasn't hard enough now I have to watch another team choke. Anyway, that's all.

Here are my NFL picks for the week.


Final Underdog Pick Status Game Details

6.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

16.5--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

3.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

6.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

9.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

3.5--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

5.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

8.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

3.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 11:00 am

3.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 2:05 pm

3.5--Sun, Sep 23 at 2:05 pm

3.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 2:05 pm

3.5--Sun, Sep 23 at 2:15 pm

3.5--Sun, Sep 23 at 2:15 pm

3.0--Sun, Sep 23 at 6:15 pm

4.0--Mon, Sep 24 at 6:30 pm

Its a dog week people.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Stoopid Republicans(mandatory Wednesday blogging)

I know everyone is probably wondering, "Chancelot, Why no NFL blogging?" (Not wondering? I am going to tell you anyway.) Two reasons: 1) I read too many football blogs so it seems as if I have nothing original to say. b) The above mentioned blog reading makes feel as if I am not as funny/insightful/good as the blogs in my blog roll who do the NFL.

For instance, HCIC on Belicheat/Spygate. KSK on the same topic.(Warning extremely funny.)

Too lazy to link to more posts, use the blog roll bitches.

But as you can see from this posts title that, brothers and sisters, is not why we are gathered here today. No we have come together to view in all its naked aggression and ugliness, the stupidity of the GOP, and I'm not even going to talk about the endless series of wars that Shrub is trying to get us involved in, Iran your next motherfuckers.

Here is a piece from earlier in the summer that I missed, apparently abortion is not only bad because of the baby killing but it also causes... wait for it... illegal immigration. Yes, so says Tom Delay.

"I contend [abortion] affects you in immigration," DeLay told the Washington-area gathering. "If we had those 40 million children that were killed over the last 30 years, we wouldn't need the illegal immigrants to fill the jobs that they are doing today. Think about it."

Yes, women, your ability to make choices in your life instead of being the mindless baby machines that Jesus intended you to be causes brown people to stream across the border. Wow, remember this was in front of the college republicans. Can't Delay be indited(again) for poisoning the youth or something. Thats what they got Socrates on right?

Also, remember Alan Greenspan, you know the Fed chair who endorsed Shrub's tax cuts for the rich. Well, apparently he is having second thoughts. Now, I'm no economist but I can't believe that cutting taxes for rich people, while continueing to subsidize their corporations raping and pillaging our country as well as Iraq(see: Enron, Halliburton, Blackwater USA.) had negative consequences. Really? This wasn't a good thing? Really? Thank you Mr. Ex-Fed Chairman, I would have never thought of that.... Except, wait a minute, I did think it was a bad idea. So did 460 economists, including 10 Nobel prize winners in economics. But they can't possibly know more than a C student who believes baby Jesus said "Let there be tax cuts." Ahh, certainty the hobgoblin of great minds...or something.

Here are some quick hits from the candidates for presidential candidates from the Stupid Old Party.

Romney: "Some people have said we ought to close Guantanamo. My view is we ought to double Guantanamo." How the fuck do we do that, oh I know lets invade Cuba.

Giuliani: "Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do." Orwell spoken here.

McCain: "F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room." Grumpy little grandpa isn't he?

Romney: "My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president." Thank you, Tag. You really are working for the country. Gotta love those Mormon family values.

Huckabee: "If a person dresses provocatively, they're calling attention -- maybe not the most desirable kind -- to private parts of their body." Oh, the 1950's were such a great time.

Note that none of these are malapropisms or solecisms. These are(theoretically) thought out statements made knowingly to the press. These people are unbelievable. Of course we already know who is going to get the Republican nomination. Ladies and gentlemen the Republican nominee for 2008!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Mets WTF??!!11!???

I'm with BMF. The Mets are scaring me to death. I can't take this shit I'm old. Please win today.


Friday, September 14, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, once again the mostest specialest day of the year has rolled around. Of course, the party will be jumpin off at 6:00 MDT at the 7EO. If you can't make it leave a comment... or don't.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Patriot Act

Wow, the Patriot's have to cheat to beat the Jets. The NFL should take away one of Brady's babies.

Photo by Flickr user Silas216 used under a Creative Commons license.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Duck Teabags Cougar

This shit is funny. H/T Larry Brown Sports

The fuckin Duck got suspended. How do you suspend a mascot? Furthermore how do you suspend a duck for reversing the laws of nature and kicking a cougars ass. It's funny. Oregon U needs to relax.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Saving Lives(misanthropic wednesday blogging)

Linsay Beyerstein has a an interesting post about how easy it would be to stop deaths from the flu. I have no problem with her larger point, that we have the ability to drastically reduce the number of deaths from influenza. She ends the post with this.

"...it is utterly within our power to save roughly 28,000 lives per year, and yet we fail to do so."

Apparently the good of this end i.e. saving lives, is self evident. I, however, am not so sure. This kind of talk about "saving lives" inundates the media and our culture. It leads to Utopian programs like Zero Fatalities in my home state of Utah.

I suppose I have two problems with this, the first is grammatical/semantical and may be somewhat petty, but I still think it is valid.

There can be no such thing as "saving lives." What you can do is "save lives for now." I know it is difficult to comprehend, but no life is forever. Everyone dies. Therefore it should be known as "postponing death" not "saving lives." As far as the grim reaper is concerned if it is not one thing then it is another. The underlying implication of the "saving lives" formulation is that this is some kind of inherent good, which assumes that dying in particular time and place is better that at some other time and place. I don't know about ya'll, but I'm pretty sure death sucks no matter when it happens. Got that, Death Bad!

Or is it? Certainly, many of the presumed lives saved in programs such as vaccination and education programs to stop deadly behavior are going people of no particular worth, and may in fact be bad people. The argument that the next Einstein might die in a car wreck is specious. The next Ted Bundy might die as well, and given that of those of us who are still alive are mostly are flawed, corruptible and many times just bad, it would seem that these life saving programs do as much to deflate the quality of life as to increase it.

Now, obviously, I don't want to be the person deciding who life is worth saving and whose isn't but I not sure indiscriminate life saving is such an obvious good as it is made out to be. I'm just sayin'.

power outage

No electricity @ work. Boring, as a co-worker said " We can chain smoke and whack off." Which is about all we can do. no wait I can phone blog... WEEEEEE!!!1!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Rocket Science

Apparently, there is a movie about high school debaters, called Rocket Science. It looks pretty good. Would it be too pathetic for me to go see a 9:30 movie by myself? Especially since this movie has a kind of chick flick feel to it...? It is an R movie so that means my main reason for not going to movies(Kids, yes kids. Why are they allowed outside?) is not a factor. And it has been commended as "sweetly nostalgic" and a must see for former debaters, like me. You did not know that level of geekiness was possible in such a sophisticated gentleman as myself, but alas it is true I was a high school debater. It was cool and made the hell of high school almost bearable. At any rate this is all the excitement in my life, besides watching the Yankees-Sox and the implosion of the Mets.

Speaking of the Mets... Ok, You're right let's not speak of the Mets.( Single tear runs down cheek.)

Here is the low down on the last night's game and 7EO antics. BBA left out the hilarious Rickey Henderson commentating on everything discussion. It went something like this...

Rickey as Weatherman: "Rickey says that this storm is gonna fuck your shit up."
RBR as Court TV guy: "Rickey doesn't believe Mike Vick is guilty, Rickey thinks he is getting railroaded. Rickey says, 'FREE OOKIE.'" Raises fist in air.
RBR as RBR: "Rickey believes Rickey can still be effective, Rickey is no Coco Crisp, but Rickey can still get down, ya dig?"
Or something like that.

Funny random video.

That's it brothers and sisters, until the next episode...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

My fantasy

QB Ben Roethlisberger
WR Hines Ward
WR Andre Johnson
WR Donte' Stallworth
RB Shaun Alexander
RB Laurence Maroney
TE Reggie Kelly
K Jason Elam
DEF San Francisco

Those are my week one starters. I have Carson Palmer, Reggie Bush, Cedric Benson, Jamal Lewis, Deion Branch, and Maurice Morris coming off the Bench. My league is gonna be tough, but I like my Chances. How do you like my team name? I think it is lovely, and certainly fitting for the worst person ever.

Update: I'm gonna kick BBA's ass week one, you know it, kid. As you can see BBA now has a blog, He needs our support so lets all visit and encourage the noob. Holla!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Worst Person Ever

So, last night this guy told me, "Chancelot, when you get a few drinks in you are the Worst Person Ever." (dramatic pause)

Did you get that "EVER," not limited by time and space, mind you. So the rest of the night whenever I introduced myself I had to add WPE, as in "Hi, I'm Chance, The Worst Person Ever." Or when I was introduced to someone it was with the addendum, "WPE." Of course, some of you might remember the episode of The West Wing where Toby Ziegler, had to say "I work for the White House" after each time he said his name. This was kinda like that, but drunker and funnier. Being called the WPE actually seemed to intrigue the ladies, especially given my apparent soft and cuddly nature. Women love them an enigma. So I think I'm gonna stick with it, ya know see where it goes.

Also live fantasy draft at 3:30 MDT. May live blog it, may not. Either way I'll post my team later.

Friday, August 24, 2007

you gotta have fear in your heart

I thought I had alot to say, but not so much. Here is my empathy playlist.

  1. Shane-Liz Phair, Whipsmart
  2. Love/Hate transmission- Liz Phair, LizPhair
  3. World without Tears- Lucinda Williams, Live at the Fillmore
  4. Fuck the World-Tupac, Me against the World
  5. Wagon Wheel- Lou Reed, Transformer
  6. The Sun Also Sets- Ryan Adams, Easy Tiger
  7. La Cienaga Just Smiled-Ryan Adams, Gold
  8. Gun-Uncle Tupelo, Still Feel Gone
  9. Somethings You Can't Take Back-Uncle Cracker, 72 and Sunny
  10. Nobody Wants to go to the Moon Anymore- Kelly Willis, Translated from Love
  11. Can't Complain- Todd Snider, Viva Satellite
  12. Adrenaline and Heresy- Sun Volt, The Search
  13. Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down- Kris Kristofferson, Broken Freedom Song:Live from San Francisco
  14. I think I'll Just Stay Here and Drink- Merle Haggard, Lots of albums
  15. New Years Day- Charlie Robison, Good Times

Remember, brothers and sisters, it can always be worse and frequently will be.

"Love / Hate Transmission"

I was a mess in my open eyed youth
I grew up thinking
What's good for one, oppresses the other
It's my turn, my life, my way, mine, me

It made me crazy
I couldn't fight it
I couldn't wait to get away
It's a war
With the whole wide world
It's a war
With the boys and girls
It's a war
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change

It's sister and brother, mother and daughter
Father, son, husband, wife, thing

It's drugs, it's hunger
It's race, sex, and government
Any way you look at it, you're part of it, you know it

The wrong inside you, can't get it right
You might as well get on the train

It's a war
With the whole wide world
It's a war
With the boys and girls
It's a war
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change

The screen is so white, and it's so big
It's hard to get over the feeling, you're losing your mind

You offer the usher your ticket
You open your soda, see what guy you're sitting behind

You get excited, the lights go down
You get a > on the plane

It's a war
With the whole wide world
It's a war
With the boys and girls
It's a war
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change

It's a war
All the give and take
It's a war
All the love and hate
It's a war
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change
And nothin's gonna change

Nothin's gonna change
Nothin's gonna change
Nothin's gonna change
Nothin's gonna change

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Iraq is Arabic for Vietnam

The Decider has now embraced the Iraq/Vietnam analogy. Wtf???!?!?1? This has caused me endless cognitive dissonance, haven't we been told for five years that such comparisons were specious, defeatist, and indeed traitorous rhetoric that only full blown Comintern members would accept? Thankfully, I have Google to try and verify my suspicion.

Here is a sample of the writings explaining the wrongheadedness of the Iraq/Vietnam analogy.

  • Remember when Colin Powell assured us that, unlike Vietnam, Iraq "is not a swamp that will devour us." Perhaps, he just meant that because it was the desert, it was quicksand that would devour us, which would explain why he has since claimed to be against the war in the beginning.
  • Hitchens called it "an ex-analogy."
  • Fred Kagan called it "A pernicious equivalence."
  • In 2003, George C. Wilson explained the main difference between the two wars is a lack of Pentagon body counts.
  • John McCain made this non sequitur in 2005, South Vietnam "never had a legitimate government in Saigon that the people believed in and trusted." Unlike the universally loved and supported government in Iraq.
  • Here is one I missed, from Lieutenant Colonel Powl Smith in September 2004, "Iraq isn't Vietnam, it's Guadalcanal—one campaign of many in a global war to defeat the terrorists and their sponsors. Like the United States in the Pacific in 1943, we are in a war of national survival that will be long, hard, and fraught with casualties. We lost the first battle of that war on Sept. 11, 2001, and we cannot now afford to walk away from the critical battle we are fighting in Iraq any more than we could afford to walk away from Guadalcanal." The obvious implication being that if we had lost on Guadalcanal the Japanese would have occupied California in short order. I'm no expert, but from what I know of military history rarely is war decided by one battle. But, then again, after Little Big Horn the Sioux did lead a enraged Indian army straight to the Potomac, didn't they?

There are over 42,000,000 results if you Google "Iraq not Vietnam" so this is obviously a extremely truncated list, but you get the point.

The analogy Bush is trying to make is that if domestic political pressure(which is clearly influenced by the fifth column Stalinists who run rampant all over America) forced us to withdraw from Iraq then millions would die. The fact that this outcome was virtually guaranteed by the invasion of Iraq does not deter him from demonizing critics of his endless series of wars strategy. Jim Henley points out that in Vietnam "millions died while we were there." The same is true in Iraq, tens of thousands are dying and being displaced while we are there. So will any of our intrepid MSM reporters point this out to Bush? No. The media will kowtow and continue to regurgitate the administrations press releases and disserve the American people. Which is, as Norman Solomon points out, one way that Vietnam and Iraq are certainly similar. Money shot.

War after war, decade after decade, the U.S. news media have continued to serve those in Washington who strive to set the national agenda for war and lay down flagstones on the path to military intervention.
From the U.S. media’s fraudulent reporting about Gulf of Tonkin events in early August 1964 to the fraudulent reporting about supposed Iraqi weapons of mass destruction in the first years of the 21st century, the U.S. news media have been fundamental to making war possible for the United States.

The wingnuts who, from an undisclosed location, continually tell us that the liberal media are undermining the war have exceedingly short memories. The beauty of this is, of course, that the warmongers who bravely sit in front of their computers and insist that others die in service of an impossible goal for dubious reasons also get to falsely harangue the commie news media in an effort to stir up support among their base.