Where things will go your way...or they won't

Saturday, July 28, 2007

bigfangoon(I'll make your throat famous)

I am going to start referring to myself as bigfangoon from now on. Thanks P. Don't know why. Well, I do know why, but its none of y'alls goddamn business. Sorry, I overreacted there.

Maybe, its because I have reduced life into a series of running jokes, drinking escapades, sporting events and of course the ubiquitous Ashton.* I don't know, but I look around and see people getting there shit together, married having kids, or least trying to go down that road and I say to myself. "Self, wtf are you doing?" I guess I should feel like life is passing me by, but I don't. Self, in fact generally replies, "There, but for the grace of tiny, weepy eyed baby Jesus, go I." "You go self." I say and have another beer. I think I have mentioned before, introspection is not really what I do. As you can see, I'm not just saying that, this really is the depth of my internal dialogue.

In fact, the only non-work related bitch I have is about BBA and Sandra D moving. They are leaving in September. To fucking FLA, seriously, I hate the south. I guilted BBA into staying until after the first week of the NFL season because the Cowboys and Giants play. Which leaves me virtually friendless if you don't count xsils and waitresses at the 7EO. But, as hunter s. thompson said, " i hate to advocate drugs,alcohol, insanity, wreckless behavior, sexual deviance,
wander lust and and a complete lack of concern for the future to anyone
but......in my case its worked." So there.

Speaking of BBA he has dared me to use a line on women, and of course I can't turn down a dare. Here's the line, "Hey, baby, I'll make your throat famous!" What do you think? Ladies... Anyone...? Ok, I'll let you know how that works out.

Far from the center of civilization, this is bigfangoon signing off.

*If you don't know, don't ask!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I'm a hater, too.

There is now a dating website that puts people together based on common dislikes instead of mutual interests.

As a celebrated hater this sounds like my kind of thing, that is if I was the type to internet date, which I am not really.

h/t Movering

Who's to blame

Obviously as every lonely straight person knows...


h/t Andrew Sullivan

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Album update

As I said a couple of weeks ago I would let you know how the Ryan Adams And Kelly Willis albums were. The official verdict is in and both albums great. But you knew that already, didn't you?

Friday, July 20, 2007

fuck you, iphone

I have now figured out how to post from my phone. "iphone... I don't need no stinking iphone."

update: This may lead to many unnecessary and likely drunken posts from the 7EO. But, whatever, Caveat Emptor.

Dick Bovetta... You're next cocksucker

I'm shocked, Shocked... to find out refs have been fixing games. Of course, any Jazz fan has known this since the '98 Finals. Two bad shot clock calls and his airness knockin B-Russ to ground with no call. See for yourself.

NBA you better fix your game, ya' hear.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Neocons are nuttier than fruitcakes...and these people are in charge

Bitch Phd. points to this article about a cruise aboard The U.S.S. Classwar.

A red-faced man who looks like an egg with a moustache glued on grumbles, " If the Germans think they can take responsibility for the world, I don't care about German courts. Bomb them." I begin to witter on about the Pinochet precedent, and Kate snaps, "Treating Don Rumsfeld like Pinochet is disgusting." Egg Man pounds his fist on the table: " Treating Pinochet like that is disgusting. Pinochet is a hero. He saved Chile."

"Exactly," adds Jim. "And he privatised social security."

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Hey Ookie, need a drink? Sorry, couldn't resist. KSK wants to FREE OOKIE. But ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, dogs and cats, chickens and ducks, we are not here to discuss Mike Vick's legal trouble but to celebrate the last week of the year without football.... YES, finally training camp starts in only a week. And you know what that means motherfuckers, time to get down and party like a rock... or at least like Big Daddy Drew plans to...

"And so it will be with the coming 2007 NFL season. I’ll drink to kick off the season. I’ll drink when the Vikings win, all three times. I’ll drink Sunday nights AND Monday nights. I’ll drink if TO tries to commit suicide again. If there’s even the slightest opening to engage in shallow and self-destructive behavior, I’ll be on it. Promise."

I couldn't agree more. (obviously excepting the TO swipe, but he is a Vikings fan so he has a right to be upset.) So, lets all get ready for another season of adolescent humor and good times. Yes, a season that will be remembered with all the reverence of the return of the tiny baby Jesus.

Why? you ask.

Good Question, I say. Because this will be the year of the Cowboy. That's right there will be no dropped field goals to save y'all from another Super run by the 'Boys with stars on their helmets.

Just to fuel the hate and get the party started lets take one last look at, what will in the future be considered the beginning of Tony Romo's Hall of Fame career.

Now it is NEXT YEAR.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I'm shocked.

I'm shocked, shocked... Andrew Sullivan finally comes to Casablanca in his series/contest for best movie line ever.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Rickey B Rickey update

As I predicted Rickey B is back with the Mets. Okay, so its as a coach and not a player, but don't pick nits with me. Here is a funny column on Rickey.

Why the 7EO rules

So for the first time in I don't know how long I actually went out somewhere that wasn't the 7EO. Two somewheres, one on Friday and one on Saturday. The first was named after a line from a Mike Myers movie, and the other was the 3300 south bar that is not Liquid Joes. Good times, really. Friday was with thirty one and her crew. The party was some kind Birthday/Engagement thing where neither BBA nor I had to pay for drinks, which in addition to the fact that we had been playing Madden for shots, meant we were pretty tuned up. At some point I was summoned to 7EO by the always lovely and until recently semi-disappeared BG. Dancing and all night zaniness(another story for another day) ensued for myself and BBA. (BG, showing restraint that I clearly lack, left early.)

Saturday was my dude Manson's Bday party, which I had to leave early because I was still somewhat wrecked from Friday.

To make a short story long, I do not like places that are not the 7EO very much. I keep telling myself that it is not so much my own rainman like disdain for change or the whole everybody knows my name factor but that there are actual objective conditions that make me enjoy myself more at the 7EO. I'm sure these other establishments have there own appeal, which is why I have gone to such great lengths to avoid naming them. I'm not trying to hate, but, personally, I think the 7Eo is clearly superior in the below ways.

  • Prettier, nicer waitresses
  • Better bartenders
  • Cheaper beer and they have PBR instead of the ubiquitous Bud Light
  • A wider variety of single women
  • Better patio and better DJs
Seems reasonable enough, right?

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Yipeekiyay Motherfucker ctd.

Here is a great video for Die Hard Fans.

Captain Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
: I was misinformed.

Major Strasser: We have a complete dossier on you: Richard Blaine, American, age 37. Cannot return to his country. The reason is a little vague. We also know what you did in Paris, Mr. Blaine, and also we know why you left Paris.
[hands the dossier to Rick]
Major Strasser: Don't worry, we are not going to broadcast it.
Rick: [reading] Are my eyes really brown?

Annina: Monsieur Rick, what kind of a man is Captain Renault?
Rick: Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so.

Vote on best one liner in comments.

Btw, I am obviously posting this just so I can continue to use the word motherfucker in post titles. But, you know what ...