With the 36th pick of the draft Eagles take...Santa Claus

Love Eagles fans. Seriously, Love them.

Inspiring quote of the day

if we were all good people
we could work in perfect rhythm
if worms had daggers
birds wouldn't fuck with them

Todd Snider "If tomorrow never comes"

Hey Ma, I blog like a girl.(or How men get screwed on shoes)

Andrew Sullivan links to this site which purports to determine the gender of a writer by using an algorithm. The caveat being that it works best with over five hundred words. None of my posts are that long, so the results might be skewed. Overall, apparently, I blog like a girl. I guess I should be enraged at my algorithmic femininity but I'm not. I do find this is interesting and I wonder what else I do like a girl. No, not that(keep your mind out of the gutter)... Okay, I actually kind of hope I do that like a girl. So follow the link fellow bloggers and let me know if you blog like a girl in comments.

On a tangentially related note, Here is a (redacted and paraphrased)conversation from the 7EO last night. (Jazz won, by the way. Awesome.)

31: My clothes are being held hostage by the dry cleaners.
Me: Your dry cleaner won't give you your clothes?
31: Yeah, It sucks, the worst part is women get charged more than men.
Me: (cluelessly) They do?
31: Yeah, a white man's dress shirt cost less than a woman's dress shirt...
31's friend McNasty:(interrupting) Yeah, but men get screwed on shoes...
BBA: Yeah!
Me: (cluelessly, again) Yeah, we get screwed on shoes.
BBA: We've gotta drop $100 to $150 every time we buy shoes so you can take your two dollars at the dry cleaner...
Everybody laughs

This was our contribution to on going battle of the sexes that dominates our post-modern, 21st century, consumer oriented, existence. I found this entire exchange to be quite funny and enlightening because, despite the fact that I am essentially a materialist, I had never realized the sexist nature of capitalist valuing of goods. What other items are differently priced for each gender. Have no fear, come the revolution we will all wear over sized tees, Mao jackets and flip flops. Take that! Stupid Capitalism.

Did I mention the Jazz won. They did so with some 90's school Pat Riley type defense and allowed only 4 Rockets to score. Thats a playoff record and hasn't happened in the regular season since the the advent of the shot clock.(I have always wanted to say that. Its one of those phrases that gives a quasi-inttellectual air to the essentially mindless activity of reporting on sports.) So if you want to see teams shoot less than 40% and badly missed open jumpers this series is for you. I actually don't have a problem with this type of game, but I tend to be defense oriented, offense is for girls.(Ha, Algorithm, I own you. I am a Man.) The Jazzmen need to start hitting some shots or they are in trouble. I think the offense will come around. Prediction: This series goes all seven games and comes down to some ridiculous play that will be remembered, for better or worse, by The Jazz Nation forever. Write it down!

In case you hadn't figured it out, this is my attempt to write a five hundred word, sufficiently testosterone-filled, post(there is no word counter on blogspot, damn them) and I am not sure if I have five hundred words to say on one subject. This is probably due to my essentially laconic nature...laughter.....laughter subsides... Anyway, as Soul Asylum said, I did my best.

Update: Even this post is feminine.

Update II: ESPN's so called experts have the Jazz going down in 5 or 6 games to the Rockets. Sheridan even says "The Rockets are the best defensive team in the postseason." Really? Really? The Rockets scored 67 points last night. The Jazz held the Rocket bench scoreless. Oh this was just an "aberration." I'll give you an aberration, jerk off. When the Jazz are heading to Dallas, y'all can apologize.

Otterbutt this one is for you!

Update: As long as were talking about xsils, Val wants me to give her credit for coining the 7th east office moniker. Which I have done here but will reiterate the point. Thanks Val.

Martin Sexton & Jonah Smith

I went and saw Jonah Smith and Martin Sexton last night, great show. Check them out if they come to your town.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Its funny how things change. I'm not talking about major changes like death, divorce, marriage or childbirth. But the kind of change you don't really notice until later on. Like a friend who you were tight with who slowly, for whatever reason, drifts away.

When you look back you can see when it happened, maybe even the exact moment that it happened. But at the time it seemed, well, normal.

Six months ago, I could never have predicted that I would have a new set of friends and never see the person who was my closest friend. This is probably not a permanent situation but I find it disconcerting in an undefinable way. So it goes I guess... The lesson being pay attention because change comes less often in dramatic fashion, and more often in increments that are barely registered until they are long past.

Jazz-Rockets recap

This is funny. And, sadly, true. The Jazz did get Sterned.



H/T Deadspin

Youtube of the day

Ryan Adams on the Henry Rollins show. Two of the most righteous people ever, ya dig.

KSK draft day preview

Kissing Suzy Kolber has a hilarious draft day preview. Just for the record I love the NFL draft, and if you don't like listening to them talk about the Cowboys then watch the NHL playoffs or something, you wanker.

Why baseball matters

This is why Baseball matters in America. I had forgotten how much fun it is to watch every game and care about the outcome. BBA, of course is baseball crazy and lives and dies with each Yankees game.(Almost actually died when the Bosox hit back to back to back to back jacks on Sunday. The 7EO was filled with "Red Sox" fans and it was crazy. Where do all these phony fans come from cause i know they ain't from Boston... Mean while back at the ranch.) The passion he and ERS display has renewed my love for the pasttime and made me think everyone should love the game. The Mets having the best young player in the league and, you heard it here first, soon to be NL MVP Jose Reyes also helps. Anyway, just another plug for BB&B. In case you were wondering I do have a growing crush on ERS that has only increased after reading her description of a day at Wrigley.

This is my command, WATCH BASEBALL, and love it.

Lost weekend

So the Jazz lose Saturday night. The Mets lose two out of three to the Braves and the Yankees get swept. Not a great weekend. Don't know what else to say...

Cancel the Weekend

I was going to have productive weekend filled with challenges and inner growth, The sports gods apparently feel differently. A Yanks-Sox series and the begining of the NBA playoffs. Certainly no good can come from this, so let us take a moment and pray for the Righteous.

Go Jazz.. Go Yanks. May all the haters in Houston and Boston be struck down and there malformed offspring suffer greatly as their teams go down to the superior talent of their foes.

One more time for the folks in the cheap seats.

GO JAZZ!! GO YANKS!!

You Tube of the Day-- Hibachi!!!

Sorry its long but worth it. Agent zero beats DeShawn Stevenson in shooting contest one handed... Really? Hibachi! Indeed.

Like I needed another reason to go...

If you didn't know, one of the reasons I like the 7EO is because of the NTN trivia game.(And the $1 beers...it is a dead heat.) Well suddenly people have decided to play the trivia game for money. Lest anyone question my standing as King Of the Geeks, I rarely lose at this game. So, The last couple times I have been there my tab has been paid by the generous folks who challenge me at trivia. Why would anyone want to play me for money after I have beaten them five times in a row for free?(Bubble is convinced she can beat me if she was sober and challenges me continually... Keep dreaming Bubble.) This development is going to eventually lead to me being destroyed in some galactic cataclysm of bad karma, but at least my tab will be paid. Not sure why anyone besides me cares about any of this but its a slow day, so there it is...

Vince Young Era Over

Poor Vince is doomed. DOOMED I TELL YOU...

Va. Tech

Okay, in case you think Republicans have ever seen a barrel bottom they didn't want to dive toward? Malkin and Instapundit have found the source of the tragedy...Wait for it...Wait for it... Gun Control. Scoring political points off the still warm dead bodies of college kids... Priceless!

So refreshing to have an instascapegoat. The argument is that if the students were armed they could have shot the dude. This theory, of course, has been proven true in Iraq where M-16 toting soldiers have stopped all violence against civilians.... Haven't they?

Breakfast of Champions

Kurt Vonnegut died. That sucks. He was one of the most original, iconoclastic and brilliant writers of the Twentieth century.





UPDATE: Check out one of my favorite bloggers take. You should just check out Blunts, Bitches, and Baseball on GP anyway. It is great.

Hater of the Day

Byu students. Hatin on Dick "Vader" Cheney. Yes, they're mad that he said "Fuck" on the Senate floor. Seems like a strange reason to hate a man who has effectively castrated the constitution, started an unjust, unwinnable war and turned the U.S. into a pro-torture nation...

Easter disaster

Ok, alot of falling down and craziness, apparently I am entertaining however. I blame it all on KJ, ok the wild turkey kamikazes didn't help. Neither did Jesus. After thirty six hours of recovery I can almost walk again.

Hater of the Day

The NFL. Suspending guys for off-field activities is stupid. These guys aren't running for Pope or President what do I care what they do on a night after the game. All that matters is if they can play on Sundays.

"We must protect the integrity of the NFL," Commissioner Goodell said.

Really? And how does the suspension of these players do that in anything but a P.R. sense? Does this do anything but make old white men i.e. sportswriters, feel good. Integrity? Really?


Honorable Mention. Me. Don't even ask.

Poem for today.

Aubade
Philip Larkin

I work all day, and get half drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not used, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never:
But at the total emptiness forever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says no rational being
Can fear a thing it cannot feel, not seeing
that this is what we fear - no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no-one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape
Yet can't accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

Hater of the day

Salud! Here's some haterade. So refreshing.

The Lost Highwaymen

Who wants to party with these guys? I do. Probably my favorite song ever.

youtube of the day-- Easter bunny vs. You

Hater of the Day

Here is a new (semi)regular feature. Malkin wins today but will be barred from winning more b/c it is too easy. Same goes for professional hate mongers Mike Savage and Ann Coulter.

I guess having cancer puts you on the same menu as the three legged dogs, old ladies and crippled kids that Malkin regularly dines on in her hateteria.

Youtube of the day--Cheney vs. Easter Bunny

Something in the air...Part 2

Brothers and Sisters(or xsils who are probably the only people who read this) I'm tellin ya. Springtime and the babies are goin crazy over Chancelot...WTF!?! Even BBA is shocked. I'm laughing my ass off. Like Jimi said..

My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war and
Ribbons of euphoria
Orange is young, full of daring,
But very unsteady for the first go round
My yellow in this case is not so mellow
In fact Im trying to say its frigthened like me
And all these emotions of mine keep holding me from, eh,
Giving my life to a rainbow like you
But, Im eh , yeah, Im bold as love
Yeah, yeah
Well Im bold, bold as love (hear me talking, girl)
Im bold as love
Just ask the axis (he knows everything)
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Heading to the Bees opener tonight. Thirsty thursday, they raised the ticket price and the beer price... Bastards. Anyway I think I should change the name of this blog to Memo from the Seventh East Office.

Opening day

Kinda late in the week, but have been exiled from internet lately. The Mets won sunday night. After moving myself all morning and Sandra D all afternoon BBA, Sandra D and I went to a restaurant and watched the game. They made us these drinks called The death star, mad crazy drinks...I stoopidly had two. Got up on Monday(barely alive) and we went to the 7th east office and watched the Yankees game. They won and to top it off Boston lost to the Royals. Good Times. Mets won again yesterday, 162-0 anyone. Ha!

walls, suckerpunches, and other things i walk into...

Just because you see something coming, should you get out of the way? Usually, I prefer to keep on walking. This meme seems to be repeated on an annual basis and I am apparently immune learning any lesson from experience. It is not, as you might expect, out of bullheadedness or stupidity but more of sense Prewitt-like fatalism. My feeling is one of a kind joy at new experience regardless of the outcome. There is also an element of saying fuck fear. I may not know what I am doing, but, ya know if your scared go to church.

Even the well intentioned and correct warnings of Bronx's Best Apostle(free wild turkey shot for whoever gets the reference, Otterbutt's man should get it) and Sandra D don't dissuade me from charging ahead. If not blindly, certainly with an excess amount of bravado and lack of caution. If it was just wasn't so fucking easy I might let it slide, but it seems a shame to waste an opportunity for adventure.

Maybe this is all just spin and I am simply lonely and tired of sleeping alone...? Doubt it though, Fuck it. Like the man said, "Shut up and die like an aviator!"

Keith Richards did what???

This is awesome.

Richards Says He Snorted Dad's Ashes With Cocaine
Rolling Stones Guitarist Says Mixture 'Went Down Pretty Well'