funniest tweet ever

If you lower the balloon tax, the boy will come back down willingly. To create jobs where he lands.

Blog warrior

I have an app on my phone that allows me to blog from it so I might resume blogging on a more regular basis. Should be fun.

Is this really the Democats?

Fighting back against wingnut insanity...It just might be.

“The Republican Party has thrown in its lot with the terrorists – the Taliban and Hamas this morning – in criticizing the President for receiving the Nobel Peace prize,” DNC communications director Brad Woodhouse told POLITICO. “Republicans cheered when America failed to land the Olympics and now they are criticizing the President of the United States for receiving the Nobel Peace prize – an award he did not seek but that is nonetheless an honor in which every American can take great pride – unless of course you are the Republican Party.

“The 2009 version of the Republican Party has no boundaries, has no shame and has proved that they will put politics above patriotism at every turn. It’s no wonder only 20 percent of Americans admit to being Republicans anymore – it’s an embarrassing label to claim,” Woodhouse said.

Nuff said!

small victories

Sometimes it all gets to be too much, and then it's not. I have very little to add but I still feel like I should keep on talking. The worst part is knowing exactly what is wrong and not wanting to do anything about it.

What do you do when keepin on keepin on stops being enough?

Update: I guess what I'm saying is...

ambivalence

Sorry blog I have been neglecting you.  When you are happy you have regained the ability to feel emotional pain are you happy or sad?

"the biggest tent of all is the tent of freedom"

Thank you Jim Demint R-S.C.  But, I imagine the tent in Rahm Emanuels pants is probably pretty big too, after watching the republic party purge itself of all sanity.

This is your rump republic party...ctd

Alen Specter switches parties. And there was much rejoicing.  How do wingnuts react: exhibit A- Jim DeMint R-S.C.  

 

“I would rather have 30 Republicans in the Senate who really believe in principles of limited government, free markets, free people, than to have 60 that don’t have a set of beliefs"

Well, Jimmy my boy, for once I couldn't agree with you more.  And with any luck by 2012 you will have your wish.

You have to admire the tenacity of the wingnuts, even as you gasp at their stupidity.  

update:  The 21 percenters sound off.

teabaggers vacation of choice

It's better in Somalia.

teh torture is awesome

Fox News says so.

the logic of tea baggin

Obama is a fascist,"Because he is!"  I wish these people would leave, my whole adult life has been listening to the victimized, angry white men who have no understanding of politics or history.  It is time for the trashbin of history to come claim it's next victims. 

Update: I guess the teabaggin movement has given new meaning to the word wingnut?

OMG!!! Flying polyps!!!

h/t dial-a-nihilist.

a funny thing happened on the way to the colosseum

Ancient Roman joke book.  My favorite bit.

An ancient version of Monty Python's dead parrot sketch sees a man buy a slave, who dies shortly afterwards. When he complains to the seller, he is told: "He didn't die when I owned him."

reason # 3,765 not to start a land war in Asia

The authorities tend to be corrupt.  On a related note I am re-reading Charlie Wilson's War, it is a good book but at a second read it poses some interesting questions about the projection of American power. More on that later...

you gotta believe in no rain

It doesn't look good in Cincinnati.  I have faith that the baseball gods will intervene and allow The Mets to play and Be Victorious!

Metstache time, You Gotta Believe Baby!

As I mentioned loyal Mets fans are trying to encourage David Wright to grow a mustache in order to propel the Mets into the World Series. In solidarity with this grass roots movement, I will also be growing a mustache.  Photos will be made available as the season goes on.  Opening day on Monday, Mets are on ESPN at 1:10 pm eastern time, take the day off I did!

define worked?

In case you hadn't been reading the wingnuts propaganda about how the surge worked and we won in Iraq.  Tom Ricks asks the pertinent question.

Question of the day: What should I say the next time someone tells me the surge "worked"?

green mind part deux

A long time ago I used to write posts about things non-political/musical/sports related.  In this post I discuss the influence of Dinosaur jr. on my life(ok, it is musical related but that was not the point of the post) particularly the last line of the song green mind. 

"If I keep stewin’ ’bout how I feel 
eventually you'll split, then I won’t have to deal
sounds like a plan."

Well, my green mind strategy for decision making is not as useful as it has been in the past.  Or at least in this instance without boring you in details,  my dilemma is this, I need to find out information about how someone feels about me.  The kicker being that I am not sure what answer I want to hear.  

Perhaps I read to many legal thrillers but I have always disliked asking questions when I do not know the answer.  

I can hear the choruses of "Stop your whining and be a man!"  Ok, fine I get it perhaps it is simply a classic Gordian knot dilemma.  I just need to go and find my sword....

Thank you all for helping me work this out. I appreciate it, and you will be reimbursed accordingly.

opening day teaser

As everyone surely knows opening day for 2009 baseball season is coming up.  In the spirit of the American past time I post this link, it is for a blog encouraging Mets third baseman David Wright to grow a mustache.  Or in their words.

Join us in our season-long quest to get David Allen Wright to become the latest and greatest in a long line of mustachioed Mets. He will do it. We will make it so. ‘Cause the mustache has mojo. Ya gotta believe!

I'm all for it if it makes him hit in September.

Update: They even have a theme song. 

The Wright Stache Theme from The Wright Stache on Vimeo.

Catchy No?

obama pwns stoopid washington press

Good looks, Mr. President.

"at midnight all the agents and superhuman crew"

This is an awesome cover of a Dylan classic from the Watchmen soundtrack.

atlas shat upon

'nuff said.

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

Soviet Obama

h/t Ta-Nehisi

it really is the world wide leader

ESPN has Obama's bracket.

st. patty's day song

Update: My favorite Sinead song.

not so deep thought

Mt friend Zip says that there are five days a year that are amatuer drinking nights. New Years Eve, St. Patricks Day, Cinco De Mayo, Halloween and Arbor Day.  Arbor Day? Don't ask

I'm pretty sure this IS what Jesus would do...

Kosher salt for Jesus freaks.

this is your rump republic party: Glen Beck edition

I bet you didn't know that frustrated conservatives HAVE to kill people because they are oppressed by political correctness.  Glen Beck says so!

These people are insane. Why are they on the teevee?

facts are shameful things

Ari Fleischer calls Chris matthews shameful for pointing out the fact that Bush was President on 9/11.  These people are insane.  Why are they on the teevee?

they really are the same thing

Gay marriage and robot marriage.  I'm sure Yglesias will be all over this.

you wouldn't like him when he's angry

what he said

Ta-Nehisi that is.

The Great Santini

As anyone who knows me would know, growing up the movie and the book The Great Santini were hugely influential in my life and in my family. I have literally seen the movie and read the book dozens of times.  In shop class, in the seventh grade, I made a wooden plaque with The Great Santini written on it that still hangs in my dad's kitchen.  All of this is a long way of saying that there is a great article about the book's author Pat Conroy on espn.com.  Read it.  Also, read the book and see the movie.  That is all.

TEH FUNNY

John Cole nails it. Jon Stewart is hilarious. Watch.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Yglesias piles on.

"have you ever seen a one-legged dog?...then you've seen me."

yoda vs. rush

Over at TAPPED, in a post titled Jedi Mind Tricks, Adam Serwer explains why Obama loves the rrp's* embrace of Rush Limbaugh.  Read the whole post.

The reason the Obama administration is happy to wrap Limbaugh around the GOP's neck isn't because they're afraid of him. It's because everyone outside the GOP base thinks he's repulsive. The conservative base is so consumed in the self-satisfying exercise of hating their political opponents that they've lost all perspective. They're getting their butts kicked, and they don't even know it. Worse, they seem to think they're actually winning the argument.

Perhaps the rrp needs to listen to some advice from Yoda, " But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. "

*rump republic party

your republic party cont.

see more Political Pictures

teh economy...worse before better

see more pwn and owned pictures

no doubt

more music charts

Emmitt Smith roast=teh funny

How did I miss this? h/t Ta-Nehisi (read his blog!)

NFL free agancy begins. The Native Americans get Haynesworth and that sucks for us Cowboy fans.

not so deep thought

Maybe for lent this year the Catholic Church could give up Holocaust denial?  Just sayin.

Update: I guess not.

the new black?

Bacon Mayo.

joys of the drug war: Arizona edition

The violence from Mexico is creeping into the states.  Money Quote:

“They send us drugs and people, and we send them guns and cash,” Mr. Paton said in an interview.

Next stop....

some advice for the republic party

"Never go full retard."

I don't think they're listening.

Update: Speaking of full retard, here is Alan Keyes losing his mind.  As Ta-Nehisi says Keyes is a "sad, sick human being."

mickey rourke is awesome

I didn't watch the oscars but the independent spirit awards look like they were way better.  Here is Mickey Rourke accepting the best actor award.  

I have always liked Rourke so it is nice to see him do well. I guess I should also see the wrester.

Jazz owner dead

Larry H. Miller died.

and you laughed at me

The robot menace is creeping into reality.

its funny

because its true.

please don't

do this.

"I said it before and I’ll say it again - fence off Utah, put all the fundies in there, and let them stone all the sinners they want. "

I understand the desire but certainly the fundies would be happier in Alabama.

dream team

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let this be the Republican ticket in 2012!!!!1!!??!!!

Update: In case you didn't know, Santelli is this idiot.

goodbye Shea, Hello baseball

The final peice of Shea Stadium is gone.  Spring training starts this weekend.

bristol, smarter than her mom

Bristol Palin says abstinence "not realistic."  Which explains why it is such a big part of the rump republic party's platform.

they lie

More Republic party nonsense.

the joys of the drug war: unsafe edition

Kathleen Parker makes the case that TWOD actually makes us less safe.  

Indeed, they do. In our peculiar obsession to track down the Willie Nelsons, the Rush Limbaughs and now the Michael Phelpses of society -- nonviolent, victimless imbibers of drugs -- we've actually made society less safe. That's the conclusion of 10,000 cops, prosecutors, judges and others who make up the membership of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition.

Howard Wooldridge, LEAP's Washington representative, is a former cop and detective who lectures civic clubs and congressional staffers on the futility of drug laws that reduce public safety by wasting time and money. He points to child pornography as just one example.

As of last April, he says, law enforcement had identified 623,000 computers containing child pornography, including downloadable video of child rape. Only a fraction of those have been pursued with search warrants, thanks to limited resources and staff shortages. What's worse, Wooldridge says, is that three times out of five a search warrant also produces a child victim on the premises.

Another example: Last year, Human Rights Watch reported that as many as 400,000 rape kits containing evidence were sitting unopened in criminal labs and storage facilities. Between the Los Angeles Police Department and the L.A. County sheriff's office, nearly 12,000 kits were unopened, according to an NPR report in December.

The sad thing about this is that it should be common sense that locking up more than three quarter of a million people for smoking weed(in 2007) is absurd.  But Jeebus hates drugs, so off we go.

(I will spend the rest of the day perusing the bible to find the exact jeebus qoute on that.)

Update:  100 years of drug war. Weeeeeee!

nobody could have predicted...

That after successful negotiations for a stimulus bill that Karl "Republicans have a permanent majority" Rove would say that it is good for the rump republic party.  Isn't everything?

Happy Darwin Day

The NYT has a good piece about old uncle Chuck.  Why aren't there more holidays that celebrate non-politicians?  Certainly thinkers such as Darwin have had a much greater impact on society than almost all, if not all, Presidents. No?

bros before hos-the musical

Teh funny!

the dumb will rise again

Here is a guy who understands what the rump republic party is all about.  He has this to say about the Freedom of Choice Act.

“What we are dealing with today is the greatest power grab by the federal government since the war of northern aggression,” Stevenson said, R-Webb City, referring what Southern states called the North’s attempt to end slavery in the 1860s.

The remark caused a sudden gasp heard throughout the House’s chamber.

I guess courting the white supremacist vote never goes out of style in dixie.

h/t Think Progress

you can't be nice to people

I leave this nice post and and what do I get in return? This post mocking my righteous fear of robots, or what she mockingly refers to as the "robot thing." Whatever.

UPDATE: Due to some confusion in the audience, I would like to apologize and say that the above post may be a joke.

Cat pwns dog

this is your republic party cont.

Michael Steele new RNC chairman says that government jobs are not jobs.  Really?  Really?  This dude is fucking nuts.  Jobs are not jobs.  This is the stupidest shit I have ever heard.  

On a personal note, I am happy to see the rump republic party continue to marginalize itself as this poll indicates but it is hard to believe thay are so out of touch.

KJ bait

The good old fumble rooskie. KJ loves trick plays.

When they come they will build themselves

Via Ezra Klien.  Apparently there is something called The best robots of 2008.  Why do we act with total diregard for our future and continue to celebrate our coming doom?  This chair builds it self, surely it is only a matter of time before this self building chair figures it doen't need us anymore.  

boycott kellogg's

Michael Phelp's backlash.  Join the Facebook group.

h/t Andrew Sullivan

why our media sucks

Will Wilkinson nails it.

I think the problem with the American media is that it’s full of Americans who overestimate the importance of American micro-politics, and so, consciously or subconsciously, undertake every damn story as a public-opinion-shaping framing our counter-framing exercise and eventually forget how to report the obvious interpretation of events.

One commenter also hits it on the head.

That's not a bug, that's a feature. It attracts a demographic that can be packaged for advertisers: Tribal-warfare junkies with the attention spans of lemurs. Naturally, the different tribes are attracted by different colors of shiny objects...

"If you need an example for how to live, then you just shouldn't have been born."

Weezy F Baby.  That's what I'm talking about.

Update: More Wayne.

never ever get married

A dating service for married people. Really?  This feeds my argument that EVERYONE wants to be single. just sayin'.  Makes you wonder why gays want any part of this so-called institution.

Update: There is no youtube of Liz Phair's Love/Hate Transmission.  Here is an old post with the lyrics.  At any rate,  here is the Divorce song.

this is your republic party cont.

The rump republic party seems intent on shrinking until it is just two angry, sweaty freshly self- serviced white assholes in a basement(and Utah, of course.)  55% of republicans think that the party should be more like Palin. This is phenomenal, I love it.  Have gun, insert in mouth.  Seriously, it is like a suicide pact.  They should just get it over with and call themselves the know-nothing/do nothing party.   

It really is surprising that a party based on fear(Look out! Teh gay is coming...)and loathing(O Noes there is teh Mexican..or is he black? All them brown people look alike.) would not be particularly successful in electoral politics. Who woulda thunk?  Well it has been fun, and will be fun, watching the dissolution of the grand old party.

h/t TPMDC

see Sarah Palin pictures

not so deep thought

How exactly is the security of Isreal a concern of the United States?  What vital interest is served by our support? Just sayin'.

the party of do nothing

I hope the leaders of the rump republic party take Malkin's advice.

Since when did it become the Republican Party's top priority to "get things done"? It was as annoying a campaign platitude when John McCain adopted it as it is now coming from Obama's lips.(h/t instaputz)

Please fellas listen to her. She knows what she is taliking about, remeber it was her ilk that turned y'all into a five state party.  So feel free to continue to follow the advice of morons and their corny ass followers.  Watching the wingnuts eat themselves for the next couple of deceades is going to be fun.

he won

Just ask him.  Oh yeah he also tells Rush, "Bite me."

remix

Jay-Z My President is black Remix LIVE 1-18-09 from pleasedontstare.com on Vimeo.

Jay-Z gettin it done.

bcs declares germany winner of WWII

A friend of mine posted this on the myspace and I thought it was hilarious and would like to share with ya'll.

After​ deter​minin​g anoth​er year of champ​ionsh​ip game parti​cipan​ts,​ the
BCS compu​ters were put to work on other​ major​ conte​sts and today​ the BCS
decla​red Germa​ny to be the winne​r of World​ War II. 

"​Germa​ny put toget​her an incre​dible​ numbe​r of victo​ries begin​ning with
the annex​ation​ of Austr​ia and the Sudet​enlan​d and conti​nuing​ on into
confe​rence​ play with defea​ts of Polan​d,​ Franc​e,​ Norwa​y,​ Swede​n,​ Denma​rk,​
Belgi​um and the Nethe​rland​s.​ Their​ only losse​s came again​st the US and
Russi​a;​ howev​er consi​derin​g their​ entir​e body of work-​-​inclu​ding an
incre​dibly​ tough​ Stren​gth of Sched​ule-​-​our compu​ters deeme​d them worth​y
of the #1 ranki​ng.​" 

Quest​ioned​ about​ the #4 ranki​ng of the Unite​d State​s the BCS
commi​ssion​er state​d "The US only had two major​ victo​ries-​-​Japan​ and
Germa​ny.​ The compu​ter model​s,​ unlik​e human​s,​ aren'​t influ​enced​ by
head-​to-​head conte​sts-​-​they consi​der each conte​st to be only a singl​e,​
equal​ly-​weigh​ted event​.​" 

Germa​n Chanc​ellor​ Adolp​h Hitle​r said "​Yes,​ we lost to the US; but we
defea​ted #2 ranke​d Franc​e in only 6 weeks​.​" Herr Hitle​r has been
criti​cized​ for seeki​ng drama​tic victo​ries to earn '​style​ point​s'​ to
enhan​ce Germa​ny'​s ranki​ngs.​ Hitle​r prote​sted "Our conte​st with Polan​d
was in doubt​ until​ the final​ day and the condi​tions​ in Norwa​y were
incre​dibly​ chall​engin​g and deman​ded the appli​catio​n of addit​ional​
force​s.​" 

The Frenc​h ranki​ng has also come under​ scrut​iny.​ The BCS comme​nted "
Franc​e had a singl​e loss again​st Germa​ny and follo​wing a prese​ason #1
ranki​ng they only fell to #2." 
Japan​ was ranke​d #3 with victo​ries inclu​ding Manch​uria,​ Borne​o and the
Phili​ppine​s.​

my thoughts exactly

more animals

my president is black

h/t Attackerman

more advice from west wing for Obama

You go Bruno!

Be proud liberals.

they'll like us when we win

Good advice for Obama.  The title says it all,"Obama should act like he won."

nobody could have predicted

That Al-Queda's war on modernity would lead to the Black  Bubonic Plague.  (It wouldn't be right to use the B-word on MLK day would it?)  The microbes are on our side bitches! Be careful what you wish for when you hope to return to the 7th century.  Suck on this terrorism!!!

'nuff said

Barack Obama - Change Is Gonna Come
by Brandan313

Gaza photo blog

see Sarah Palin pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

appropriate of nothing

"I didn't hear no bell."  Rocky V clip for BBA.

Don't say I didn't warn you

Even the techies are smart enough to be afraid.

Blind optimists like to imagine AI popping into existence completely functional, reasonable, human-like, and ready to help out around the household, chatting up little Tommy just like any member of the family. If the first AIs are not like this, and are instead monomaniacal day traders, then they presume that such AIs will be kept in check until the day that Rosie the Robot Maid is online and ready to go. However, it needn’t be the case. Like the supercomputer in Colossus: the Forbin Project, the monomaniacal day trader might find itself thinking so far outside the box that it decides to take control of the entire stock exchange, or even the world economy, and manipulate it precisely to maximize its personal utility, meatbags be damned. 

That's right meatbags, this is your robot future.

Rickey B Rickey in the HOF

Blago's balls

Maybe we should get Harry Reid a pair.

h/t Andrew sullivan

Thank you President Olmert

I guess that should be his title since he gets to decide what American foriegn policy is and how we should vote in the U.N.

In an unusually public rebuke, Prime MinisterEhud Olmert of Israel said Monday that Secretary of StateCondoleezza Rice had been forced to abstain from a United Nationsresolution on Gaza that she helped draft, after Mr. Olmert placed a phone call to President Bush.

“I said, ‘Get me President Bush on the phone,’ ” Mr. Olmert said in a speech in the southern Israeli city of Ashkelon, according to The Associated Press. “They said he was in the middle of giving a speech in Philadelphia. I said I didn’t care: ‘I need to talk to him now,’ ” Mr. Olmert continued. “He got off the podium and spoke to me.”

Imagine for a minute a Democratic President got out from behind a podium and take orders from the President of France.  Me thinks the wingnuts would be losing there minds.  But as John Cole says, "Crickets."

I am not aware of all internet traditions

Apparently the trio of Matt Yglesias, Ezra Kline, and Spencer Ackerman (all of whom I read but have been neglectful of adding Attackerman to the blogroll.  This will be corrected.) have been dubbed the Juicebox Mafia by the pro Israeli blogosphere.  

Of course they had the audacity to suggest that the current Isreali attack in Gaza was disproportional and perhaps ill-advised.  Since they are Jewish they cannot be condemned as anti-semites, ( I will avoid this tag simply due to the fact that no one reads my blog) so they will be ridiculed by the Very Serious People as children who cannot possibly understand the world.  

Because it is obvious to anyone watching that the only response to random, annoying, and potentially deadly rocket attacks is airstrikes that kill not only the intended target but also many innocents.  because throughout history this strategy has worked.  See The First Jewish-Roman War,  which after a Jewish revolt Rome burned the Temple to the ground and enslaved many Jewish people.  But they made a slight error and let Jewish people continue to reside in Judea.  A mistake they rectified after the second rebellion which lead to the Diaspora, or expulsion of the Jewish people from Palestine.  Obviously, in this analogy Rome is Israel and The Jewish people are the Palestinians.  

Personally, I find this bit by a guest blogger, Eyal Press,on Ta-Nehisis's blog to be instructive.

Many years ago, the Israeli scholar Yehuda Elkana published an essay in which he noted that there were two lessons one could draw from the horrors he'd witnessed as a boy at Auschwitz.  The first was "this must never happen again."  The second was "this must never happen to us again."  Of the two, wrote Elkana, a member of the Israeli-Palestinian Peace-International, a network of scholars committed to ending the occupation and promoting a just settlement of the conflict, "I have always held to the former and seen the latter as catastrophic." 

Just to prove my non-anti-semite cred I will unveil my Mid-East Peace plan for all three of my faithful readers.

Step One-  Allow people of Jewish ancestry move to the United States.

 

That about covers it.

Update:  Couldn't they have called them the "Jewcebox Mafia?"  Just wondering.  Seems funnier.

top gun is teh gay

This rant cracks me up.

bcs non championship game

Rick Reilly take it away...

Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida.  It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion.

Reilly blames the greed of the BCS conferences.  But I think that the brothers at NOIS have the real answer.

Yes, Utah deserves to be National Champion.
No, greed and conspiracy to exclude non-BCS teams from the pot of gold is NOT why they aren't in the title game.
Clearly, the painstakingly obvious reason must have been beyond the sleepy eyed view of the lethargic minded Reilly.
Utah has a Negro QB.

And we will let Reilly take us out(celbratory background music)

Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions — the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)

Lemonades for everybody!

scientists are weird

And this proves it. 

when they come they will rise from east

Of course, Yglesias has more on our coming destruction. 

Ron Asheton of The Stooges dead

Obit here.

robots in schools... the end of the line for hoomans?

Yglesias sounds the horn.  Eliot Spitzer wants to fund "robotics teams" in schools.  Be afraid, be very afraid.

jesus freaks on skis